So I have this bad habit of rolling into the garage, turning off the engine, closing the garage door and just sitting there, looking at my phone. Eventually, the car’s reading lights turn off, the garage light follows and it’s pitch dark. Usually after 15-min or so, if my husband is home, I’ll hear a lot of commotion as he races down the stairs to look for me. Today, that did not happen.
I scrambled up the stairs carrying five different bags, all the while I could hear the TV. Well, we don’t have a TV, more like HBO NOW. Must be an important show, I thought. Upon seeing me, husband realized that I’m back, paused his show, and came to help me unload. He then gave me a quick hug and a kiss and promptly went back to the couch. Probably Game of Thrones. Important stuff. And his greeting made me feel loved.
It’s possible to have both.
Did you know that how you come and go matters in relationships? Suppose you’ve been apart from your partner for the day, how do you come back together again? What would it be like if you and your partner greeted each other with a simple, “Welcome home!”? Maybe it’s a peek on the cheek, a squeeze, a “Hi Hon!” or whatever else. This brief moment of connection can be grounding as you go about your evening, knowing that you’re wanted and welcomed by your VIP.
The same is true when you leave the house in the morning. You’re rushing, getting the kids ready, barely have time to eat and your partner says goodbye and blows you a kiss. Or, your partner stands by that familiar window and sends you off. No time for long drawn-out hugs, but you know you’re loved nonetheless. How would that change the way you go about the world?!
Do you have 30-seconds?
These brief moments of hello’s and goodbye’s can be very anchoring for your relationship. Rituals that you and your partner develop overtime to help you stay connected are buffers against the more challenging times. You may NOT feel like pausing the TV, taking a break from the stovetop, or interrupting a conversation to offer that quick wink or side hug, but trust me, it does make a difference. It reminds you that you matter to each other and of the good that is in your relationship.
From that place, go back to Game of Thrones, dinner, Skype call or launch into conversations about your day, finances and kids’ schedules. Unknowingly, you’re strengthening your relationship one hello and goodbye at a time.
Ada Pang is the proud owner of People Bloom Counseling, a Redmond psychotherapy practice in WA. She helps unhappy couples find safety and connection in their relationship. She also helps cancer thrivers and their caregivers integrate cancer into their life stories. While her husband has offered for them to watch the first six seasons of Game of Thrones together so she can be all caught up, she had to decline when she couldn’t even finish the movie Logan. She appreciates her husband’s thoughtfulness though.