The hype with new beginnings
A new year marks a new beginning, a new you, a new future. Or so you hope. This is especially the case when last year was a disappointment. You make excuses for why things didn’t happen, both within and outside of your control. Now that 2017 is behind you, you dig your heels in and you vow that this year would be different.
Be disappointed, again
So, what did you promise yourself at the beginning of the year? Chances are, you would’ve already broken it. According to research out of the University of Scranton, only 8% of people achieve their New Year’s goals. The U.S. News also noted that approximately 80% of resolutions fail by the second week of February. No worries, if you’re reading this blog when it was first posted, you have about another week.
Same old, same old
The thing is, why keep beating your head against the wall but in slightly different spots? This year you wanted to eat healthier. Last year you vowed to exercise more. The year before that you wanted to save more money to pay off debt. They are all noteworthy goals, but they are hard to sustain beyond the middle of February.
What to do instead
Set intentions. I don’t mean this in a wishy-washy kind of way. Oh, I intend to cut down on time spent on Pinterest, but there goes another three hours! Oh well… What I do mean is putting your best foot forward and being serious about why you’re wanting to achieve this goal. If you’re not responding to every notification, then what would you be doing instead? How would your life be different? Why would you want that life instead of the one you're currently living?
When you’ve figured out “why” you want to do something, then plan for “how” you’re going to get there.
Caution: The “how” could take 500 steps.
Change takes investment
We don’t tend to think about how much is at stake when we’re trying to make a new change in our lives. Going with our previous example, in order to spend less time on social media, your devices need to be less accessible. You’ll likely need replacement activities for those three hours. You’ll need to notice the urge to pick up your devices and redirect your attention. It’ll help to notice when you’re most vulnerable to doing your old habit and addressing those deeper issues:
“When I get tired or bored, I use social media to wake or pick me up.”
“I just got into an argument with my partner and I went online to get some validation.”
“I felt lonely and Facebook provided some sense of community. Well, kinda, sorta.”
If the above were true, you’ll probably need to catch some snooze, fill your life with other meaningful activities, work things out with your partner and be in good company. Unless those things happen, your devices will be an easy go-to.
Ditch New Year’s resolutions
Given the complexities involved in setting and meeting a goal, it helps to ditch the expectation-filled New Year’s resolutions and set intentions instead. After all, if you haven’t gotten around to meeting and sustaining gains last year, what makes a new year any different? And, New Year’s resolutions sound like they can only happen at the beginning of the year. If you’ve lost momentum by now, does that mean you have to wait until 2019 to make new goals because the rest of the year is a lost cause? That hardly sounds rational. Finally, New Year’s resolutions sound like you have either kept them or failed them, which can feel very rigid.
Setting intentions, on the other hand, is quite the opposite.
What intentions do for us
Setting intentions is about putting forth your best for that moment, that day, and choosing to be one step closer to living the life you want. It implies that you’re a fluid individual with good days and not-so-good days and your best can really vary depending on what happened. However, you’re kinder to yourself when you deviated from your goal and you’re cognizant of what detoured you. The next moment you have, be it on February 6th or September 17th, you get back on track and you keep going.
Setting intentions is not about succeeding or failing. It’s about separating your last moment from the moment you’re about to have. What would you want to do with the things you can control?
May your year be filled with intentions that become nourishing habits over time.
Ada Pang is the proud owner of People Bloom Counseling, a Redmond psychotherapy practice in WA. She helps unhappy couples find safety and connection in their relationship. She also helps cancer thrivers and their caregivers integrate cancer into their life stories. One of her intentions for 2018 is to be early or on time to things. Tracing her 500 steps, this goal involves engaging in meaningful activities during the day and getting enough sleep. She succeeds some moments and not others and will keep at it again and again.