The Three Important Elements of Self-Care for All Times, but Especially Now

Image by aedrozda from Pixabay

It has been over a month since our Gov. Jay Inslee issued a “stay-at-home” order” order in WA. Usually, a month goes by and we don’t even notice. But, the quote circulating around social media is funny because it’s true: it really does feel like there are five years in April. Ok maybe not five years, but it does feel like we’re on the 12th week of April at my house!

Just when you think you have transitioned, think again

Now that we’ve had six weeks of practice (or, 5 years depending on how you experience time), we should have it down by now, right?! After all, we just need to carve out a space to work from home, make a schedule of things to do with the kids, meal prep for the whole week, cook endlessly, remember to fit in workouts because that’s what healthy people do, and then repeat. No big deal. 

Just writing all that makes me want to crawl back into bed. 

Whether you’re an essential worker who’s exhausted from your shifts, someone working from home or recently unemployed, or a parent who never signed up to homeschool your kids, it has been one adjustment after another. With the constant transition of new protocols at work, no school during spring break to now five assignments a day, it can be easy to forget what self-care looks like for you. Before the pandemic, you used to know how to do this, but now it takes so much more.

Self-care according to popular culture

Most people think about self-care as eating well, sleeping well, regular exercise, meditation, etc. It is all that and then some. Taking care of your basic needs is only one aspect of taking care of yourself. While doing the basics can be stabilizing during a health crisis; you might find yourself needing more with the passing of time. While you might not feel like you have the bandwidth to do more, engaging in these activities can actually strengthen your bandwidth. 

Do productive work 

Statewide, nearly half a million people are unemployed from the coronavirus. Meanwhile, people on the frontlines might feel like they’ve worked multiple shifts in one. In either case, we’d need to redefine work. If you went from having a regular work schedule to now being out of work and stuck at home, productive work is no longer limited to paid work. Instead, it can mean navigating the unemployment website, looking for a job, scheduling out your week with activities that are a little bit challenging, but not overly so, and actually doing them. If you’re a frontline worker and you often leave work feeling like there’s more work to be done, it’s a different strategy for you as well. 

If you’re unemployed

Self-mastery is a fancy term that speaks to gaining a sense of mastery over your life by doing things that help you feel more confident and in control. This is especially crucial during a time when you did not choose your circumstances, and things are very shitty right now. Self-mastery involves doing tasks that require some effort, but you’ll feel good about yourself when you’ve done them. Here are some additional examples of productive work during our shelter-in-place:

• Take care of your personal hygiene even if you have nowhere to go

• Pick up and sort through mail 

• Do laundry

• Clean up around the house 

• Take care of people in your home

When you don’t have income coming in, it can be tempting to stop all forms of work. But, when you engage in activities that you know need to get done, it can help you feel a sense of accomplishment, that today counted for something. It’s not meant to be life changing; but it can help move the needle forward in the slightest ways.

If you’re a frontline worker

If you’re not asked to do more during each shift, you might be “strongly urged” to pick up additional shifts. With needs that don’t seem to be letting up, it’s hard to feel like you’ve done enough after a day’s work. And no matter what you did, there were things outside of your control. Perhaps a patient died during your shift, you came back to a warehouse full of next day deliveries, you could’ve been even more thorough with disinfecting that near empty office… Did you make a dent today? 

You did. 

You did the best that you could for the day. Unless you’re a robot, your best fluctuates each day. With the current state of affairs, it’s hard to be firing on all cylinders, day after day. So productive work is more about having done your best and then coming back the next day and being okay with your best then too. 

It can also help for productive work for frontline workers to include non-paid work. Having a small project where you get to see the beginning, middle and end could help you feel like you were able to tie a bow on something. Here are some examples: 

• Putter around in the yard and plant something 

• Change out that burned out bulb 

• Cook your favorite comfort food recipe

• Clean out your garage (Yes, this can be a big ask. Even just a corner of it is enough)

• Tackle a jigsaw puzzle that is a bit difficult for you

Engaging in these or other activities can remind you there are ways to feel accomplished outside of work. And, work is not all that there is. 

Take care of basic needs

So, what are our basic needs? It’s actually a pretty long list:

• Rest the brain with sleep

• Drink water

• Stay hygienic 

• Eat food that fuels the body 

• Empty our bladder and bowel 

• Feel safe in our environment 

• Have a shelter over our head 

• Wear comfortable clothing 

While none of the above are rocket science, we do put our bodies through a lot and expect it to bounce back. With the stress of life, we may sometimes forgo some basic needs without recognizing it. And yet, it is especially during these trying times that we need to pay close attention to our basic needs. Because, when was the time you did the following:

• Stayed up too late or stayed in bed for too long? 

• Felt dehydrated?

• Fished clothing out of the dirty laundry basket?

• Ate what you knew would make your body feel bad, ate too much or skipped meals? 

• Held your pee or your poop when you needed to go? 

• Ignored your body’s signals when you felt either too cold or too warm?

• Stayed in the same posture for way too long?

When we’re not in a pandemic, we may go through moments where we ate out a lot, got little sleep, survived on energy drinks and (hopefully) recovered. When things are going awry, taking care of our basic needs is a buffer against the constant stress and illness. It doesn’t mean you have to do everything perfectly, but being mindful of the elements that are missing and being intentional about ways to bring them back would be helpful.

Make time to play

It’s not enough to do productive work and take care of your basic needs; you also need to find time to play. If you equate cleaning with play and find it exciting to meal prep many times over, these activities help, to a certain extent. You also need to laugh, to have fun, to allow room for creative endeavors. 

When there’s a shortage of time and money, here are possible solutions: 

• Show up for a scheduled online board game

• Work on an art project 

• Go for a bike ride with your kids

• Take a walk and notice the blooming flowers and young leaves

• Try a new recipe 

• Play your guitar, piano, cello, something

• Try an online class that you’ve been meaning to take in person 

• Do kids yoga as a family, even when you don’t have kids

• Watch this short video about how a music teacher is coping with teaching online:

The key here is not to achieve something; that’s under the section of productive work. Rather, it is to have a good belly laugh, to let yourself cut loose, and to share fun times. There are enough seriousness, restraint, and unknown in the world right now. People’s opinions about COVID will always be there. You’ll hear about plans for re-entry when it comes. Trips to the grocery store aren’t going to feel normal for a while.  But when you play, you’re shaking off the cumulative stress. 

It’s the restoration we can all use right now.

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Hi, I’m Ada. Here’s how I’m (trying) to practice what I preach -

• For productive work, I wrote this blog post today.

• For basic needs, I made too much food last week and too little this week. Next week, I might have a better handle on things. I’ll do my best then. 

• For play, I’m taking an online class where I learn to illustrate recipes. It actually works better for my schedule. 

I hope you find your work, (body) care and play too. 

Warmly,
Ada

Finding Small Moments of Joy and Connection Through the Health Pandemic

Photo by taylor hernandez on Unsplash

Wow! What an incredibly stressful time full of unknowns! As we’re all sheltering-in-place, please be kind to yourself and those around you. Maybe get out of the house and take a walk, do an online exercise class or try a new recipe. Read a book you’ve been putting off, share something new with your children that you loved as a child… Engage in activities that will help you feel healthy and sane.

Connection is more important now than ever

Reading through some of our previous blog posts, I was struck by something Karen said about our need for connection:

So many people live in solitude and wish they had more connection. We all know that feeling lonely is emotionally distressing, but science also confirms that it can lead to a whole slew of health problems. And conversely, people who are well connected live longer and happier lives.

Karen called it “The loneliness epidemic,” and that phrase certainly is hitting home for a lot more people during this outbreak. Not everyone has pets or a partner or children at home to help them through this time. Some people are not only staying home under a mandatory shelter-in-place order, but they are also doing it completely alone.

Connection with others is what buffers us during times of stress. The more stressed we are, the more we need to feel connected to others. To know that we’re in the company of people who care and understand normalizes our experiences. Their connecting with us helps to lower our cortisol levels. Their presence, even on a screen, can help to co-regulate our emotional ups and downs. 

If you know of someone in your life who feels alone right now, please reach out and check on them. It can mean the world to them. 

A heartwarming sense of community all around

It’s one of the most amazing things I’ve seen come out of this whole scary, crazy time in the world: a renewed sense of community. I’ve been connecting with friends over video chat everyday, scheduling virtual happy hours with people I love near and far but have not previously taken the time to do so with. It’s been refreshing and given me something to look forward to each day. This helps to break up my week when the days feel blurred together. Though I don’t live alone, it has reminded me that my network is not as small as it sometimes feels.

Good things are still happening from the safety of our homes

There is so much scary stuff going on in the news, and everyone is probably experiencing information overload. But in the safety of our homes, people are dancing, playing, creating, and loving. And I have some good news as well amidst all the chaos!

My boyfriend of five years popped the question during the first week of the stay-at-home order! It’s a strange time to get engaged, but it was such exciting news to share with our loved ones. We made a huge effort to make phone and video calls to share it before we posted it on social media. 

We had a family member who wanted to buy us dinner to celebrate, but due to the outbreak we will not be able to see them for who knows how long. They sent us a photo of their credit card and told us to find the nicest restaurant in Seattle that we could that was still offering takeout. We brought dinner home with a bottle of wine and ate with our family over FaceTime. It wasn’t traditional, but it was lovely.

While we are living with a cloud of dread over us, we also continue to live our lives from our homes, the sweet moments, the family time - good and bad, is still happening and life quietly goes on.

Some of these changes are for the good

My boyfriend, er, FIANCE and I fortunately have not yet grown sick of each other. I have actually felt our connection grow during our forced togetherness because we are taking the time to do things we never have the time to do. We have been taking walks around our neighborhood a few days a week. We are watching documentaries and learning new things. People out on the street are saying hello to each other, even if it’s from six feet away. I’m appreciating the smells of trees, the beautiful sight of cherry blossoms when I go outside.

I’m hopeful that some of the social changes happening will stick around long after this pandemic. I want to hold onto our desire to connect again, to appreciate the outdoors more, to be more creative.

I hope you are finding a new appreciation for simple things too.

Reach out  - we are here for you

If you or anyone you know is experiencing the loneliness epidemic, please reach out to us. We are a dedicated team of clinicians ready to connect with you online. We know a thing or two about working from home, trips to the store, everyone being home and how to creatively connect with people who matter to us. 

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Sarah Reijnen is the Director of First Impressions at People Bloom Counseling, the latest addition to our tribe. It has been a crazy time to begin training for a new job! While learning the ropes as the new intake whiz, she is also in the midst of completing her  internship in Marriage and Family Therapy. She loves sunshine, paddle boarding and dogs of any kind.

A Simple Word Exercise to Help Frontline Workers Decompress During their Breaks

Photo by Ashkan Forouzani on Unsplash

Being Adaptive

I once went to a training where an ex-firefighter turned marriage counselor told the story of post-911 rescue efforts. He was in a damaged building next to “the Pile” with his buddies, looking for survivors. They moved cautiously and strategically for fear that what remains of the building would collapse. They had to muster up the courage to keep going and push aside any feelings of vulnerability. It was only when they were back at the station could they commiserate about being incredibly scared that they might not make it back to their families. 

He went on to explain that the most adaptive people he knows are those who have learned when to turn their emotions on and when to turn them off. It’s not functional to wall off your family at home because you’re still in work mode, and nor is it helpful to melt into a puddle at work. 

This is not to say you can’t have a bad day at work, especially during a time like this. I’m not going there with you right now, not in this post. I am explaining how I’ve structured these exercises as a way to help you turn on and off your emotions, depending on where you are in your shift.

Statements to help prepare you for work, during work and after work

Below are statements that I’ve come up with to help ground you throughout the day. While I’m not in your line of work, I try to put myself in your shoes and walk around in them as I reflect on what statements could be helpful. If you can come up with better statements, or can ask your partner, your kids to give you a phrase to remember at work, please do. “Mom, I’m so proud of the work that you are doing!” is a good one. Remember that some statements may be more helpful at certain times than others. Statements like, “Daddy, I miss you! Come home to us!” may trigger more vulnerable feelings at the beginning of your shift than when you’re on your way home.

As you read the statements out loud to yourself with an emphasis on each of the bolded words, please let that statement sink in, time and again. The statement may feel differently to you, depending on where the emphasis is. They’re meant to help anchor you into the reality of the statement, to steady you, so please don’t be so quick to brush them aside. While they’ll not magically make you feel better in the moment, with practice, they can help you feel more present and centered. Reading them out loud and taking your time with them is the best way to practice this exercise but it’s also possible to do the emphasis quietly within. Read it together with a colleague, six feet apart, except for when you’re in the loo, of course. Or, read it by yourself.

Before your shift

The last day you worked is behind you. Whether that was just hours ago or a few days ago, it’s most helpful to focus on what’s ahead. While our mind might want to trick you into thinking that you’re still reliving a past experience, your body resets every time you wake up. Today is indeed a new day. 

The past is behind me. Today is a new day. 

The past is behind me. Today is a new day. 

The past is behind me. Today is a new day. 

The past is behind me. Today is a new day. 

The past is behind me. Today is a new day. 

The past is behind me. Today is a new day. 

The past is behind me. Today is a new day. 

The past is behind me. Today is a new day. 

The past is behind me. Today is a new day. 

The past is behind me. Today is a new day. 

During your bathroom break

You’re taking a breather but you don’t have a lot of time. Instead of scrolling through your phone while you’re on the can, read this statement instead: 

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself. 

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself. 

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself.

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself. 

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself. 

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself. 

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself. 

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself. 

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself. 

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself. 

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself.

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself. 

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself.

During your lunch break 

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do. 

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do. 

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do. 

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do. 

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do. 

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do. 

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do. 

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do. 

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do. 

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do. 

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do. 

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do. 

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do. 

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do. 

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do. 

On your way home

You have carried the weight of the day on your shoulders; it’s now time to let go of that load. Up until now, you’ve needed to wall off your vulnerable emotions to stay sane and do your job well. It’s time to turn them back on. If that means you need to cry in the car, shake your body out (in no particular fashion), call up a good friend, pray to your higher power... do what you need to do. Then consider this last statement to prepare you to go home: 

My shift is behind me. My family is before me. 

My shift is behind me. My family is before me. 

My shift is behind me. My family is before me. 

My shift is behind me. My family is before me. 

My shift is behind me. My family is before me. 

My shift is behind me. My family is before me. 

My shift is behind me. My family is before me. 

My shift is behind me. My family is before me. 

My shift is behind me. My family is before me. 

My shift is behind me. My family is before me. 

And please make it safely home.

Warmly,
Ada

Resources for Exhausted Front-line Workers During the COVID-19 Outbreak

Photo by 烧不酥在上海 老的 on Unsplash

This one’s for the cashiers. The janitors. The delivery drivers. The food packagers and the gas station attendants.  It’s for the doctors, the nurses, therapists and front desk crew at the ER. To anyone who’s working overtime while the world stands still in fear, we want to sincerely thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

While half of your friends and loved ones are unemployed and figuring out what to do with newfound free time, you’re working round the clock. You’re overwhelmed, burned out, and constantly worried. We see you and we want to thank you for putting yourself in the front lines during a pandemic. You are essential. 

We’ve compiled a short list of community resources that will hopefully help you get through the coming weeks.

Mental health sessions at free or reduced rates for frontline workers

Seattle COVID Worker Care Network 

Washington COVID-19 Mental Health Network

CORONAVIRUS online therapy

Project Parachute: Pro Bono Teletherapy for COVID-19 Frontliners

Free mindfulness apps and workout videos 

If you have time after a long shift, take a yoga class and stretch it out with the following free resources -

Downdog App is offering free workout videos through July 1st.

Headspace has free access to meditations through 2020.

The YMCA regularly releases free workout videos.

Orangetheory helps you work your whole body in 40-ish minute segments.

Free food and additional perks for frontline workers

Food freebies according to Business Insider

Additional perks listed in the Seattle PI

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We hope that you are able to find time for yourself to reset on a regular basis. To say that you deserve it is an understatement.

Warmly,
The Tribe at People Bloom

Thrown into Working from Home? Here’s How to Do it Without Losing Your Mind

Photo by James McDonald on Unsplash

When working from home is a mandate

Whether you’re self-quarantining or your work place closed, you are probably spending more time than ever before at home. COVID-19 is inducing a strange sense of panic and calm in people - torn between a sense of urgency to do something but stuck at home with nothing to do. We’re all finding a new normal from within our homes. I’ve heard all sorts of accounts from friends stuck at home and finding creative ways to pass the time. These accounts include cleaning out pantries, (finally) doing taxes, taking up cross-stitching, practicing musical instruments from high school, and even hand writing letters to family!

It’s understandable to worry about the future in these uncertain times. But instead of letting COVID-19 consume us with anxiety, we can all take this opportunity to develop helpful home habits and ride through the chaos.

This goes for the new remote workplace as well. 

For those of us in the workforce who are suddenly placed on mandatory work-from-home, the ability to do so might come as a relief, but the transition to remote work is definitely an adjustment. I’ve been working remotely for three years so social distancing is my jam! Working remotely has its perks, but the isolation and lack of structure can upset your flow and make your job harder than it needs to be.

Tips for successful work-from-home-days

Set up a comfortable, private workstation

I can’t stress this enough. You may be thinking - but this is only temporary, I’ll just push all this crap on the dining table to the side and set up my laptop here for now. I wouldn’t recommend it.  If that’s how you roll, you’re not going to get anything done.

The best thing you can do for your sanity and your physical health is to choose a designated spot where only work happens, and make your workstation as ergonomic as possible under the circumstances. I know we can’t all afford to buy a second monitor and office chair with lumbar support, but if you have those things, use them! Bring them home from the office if necessary. Set up your desk so that you can stand at it even if it means stacking phone books under your monitor to raise it up.  If you’re on the phone a lot, invest in a good headset.

Make sure you are able to get privacy. If you can choose a room with a lock, all the better. If not, use a “do not disturb” sign such that when work gets extra busy, kids or roomies know not to walk in on your conference calls.  

Almost as important is to set up a space that is aesthetically pleasing to you. Do whatever gets you motivated for work! Find a spot that gets natural light. Keep your space tidy. Put a plant next to your computer. Put things around you that are soothing. Do you need a coaster for your coffee, the coffee being the key here? Are your hands so dry from all that hand washing that you’d want to keep your favorite lotion around? In the same way you’d decorate your away-from-home office, it can be fun to do the same for your at-home office.

Get dressed and get ready to face the world

Seriously, get dressed. Even if no one will see your face for days. Getting dressed helps you feel more confident and professional, and you’ll act accordingly. The days that I’m still in my sweat pants and oversized space cat t-shirt at 5pm are my worst days. I end the day depressed and feeling like I never really started the day.

I’m not saying you have to wear your pencil skirt or tuck in your shirt. Unless it’s required for your line of work and you’ll be videoconferencing the whole day, I’m a big advocate for doing away with traditional office attire. But do put on clothes that make you feel confident, comfortable, and ready to face challenges. If you can, keep it casual Friday at home as well.

If you never know when you may need to hop on a video call or training session, wash your face and tame that hair, like you (sort of) care!

Set a schedule and stick to it

Think you might be a slacker? 

Are you worried that if you’re left to discipline yourself, you’ll just binge watch The Great British Baking show and eat cheesy poofs all day? I hear you. When I tell people I work from home, they often respond with “I couldn’t do that, I would get so distracted and not get anything done!”  You may think you can’t be trusted to actually work, but in reality, if a job has to be done, and if you’re capable of doing it at the office, you’ll muster up what it takes to do it without your supervisor watching your every move.

The thing is, people crave structure. If you don’t have any order to your day at home, you’re going to feel pretty scattered, and trying to work that way is unsustainable. Set a work schedule similar to one you’d keep in the office to avoid wasting time. Tell your coworkers when you'll be available so they keep you accountable, and also let them know when you’re logging out. This means setting timers - multiple, if you have trouble sticking to schedules. 

For the workaholics 

On the other hand, can you see yourself struggling to separate work from life? I get carried away with work, and before I know it, I’m working 10-12 hour days, and my back is sore from all the sitting. Set boundaries for yourself based on the kind of problems you foresee having. Make a rule that you won’t check work mail after a certain time of the day. As tempting as it may be to compulsively come back for more, notice that urge and direct your attention to doing non-work again.

This also includes taking a lunch break! And please, no checking email or even looking at your computer for at least half an hour! Oh, I know you’re going to try to eat at your desk. Don’t. Eating at your desk prevents you from putting aside precious me time.  When you worked in the office, you did things like go out for coffee or walk between buildings to break up your day - you still need that when working from home. You work hard - give yourself that break.

Find ways to socialize and interact so you don’t feel so isolated

Social distancing does not mean social isolation. Physical distancing is a more accurate description. While many introverts are rejoicing at the mandate to socially distance, others are going to miss and crave that social interaction of office culture. For many of us, work is our main social outlet - after all, we spend 75% of our days with these people! No more chats with coworkers, coffee breaks with your work-pals, and happy hours with Katie catching up on the latest juicy gossip. You’ll miss giving Pam a knowing look when Michael says something insane (shout out to The Office…anyone?). 

Socializing aside, there are also benefits to having coworkers on hand to actually work with. Brainstorming ideas and team work will need to be restructured from home. You may find out that virtual staff meetings aren’t as effective if you can’t do quick check-ins with Paul after. Not to mention the number of email exchanges just increased by two fold, as if you didn’t have enough to catch up on at all times. Find the best balance to be able to communicate while also getting work done in a way that doesn’t drive you bonkers.

Schedule video calls regularly

To resolve this dilemma, you’ll have to go out of your way to interact with others. Days could go by before you see another person. If you work in a team, call or set up regular video calls for debriefing sessions. Google Hangouts or Zoom allow you to do that without a hitch. Running ideas by your coworkers can help you process. Without an outlet for that, ideas can stew in your head and become anxieties. Seeing their face will also help you remember there’s a human behind that flurry of emails and make you feel more seen as well. 

The importance of communication

If you report to a supervisor, check in with them to let them know your progress on projects. When everyone is scattered in their respective remote locations, tasks can get lost without clear communication. Task management apps like Trello make it easier. Group chat platforms like Slack are great for keeping communication up with your team.  

Be very deliberate about leaving screen time behind

So, we’re about to be spending at least a third of the work days at our computers, and when that’s done, we’re probably going to be tuned into social media, scrolling through the latest nerve-wracky breaking news.  This gives us very little time to…human. Before we all turn to androids, let’s break that addiction cycle by shutting that computer down and going outside. If you haven’t been quarantined or put on lockdown, go on a hike, away from it all. If you have a backyard, play fetch with the dog, throw a ball around with your kids. If you have a balcony, sit out there and bask in the sun with a book you’ve always wanted to read.

We’re not going to be able to release tension by socializing at the church potluck or local pub for a while. I have a feeling that nature is going to be our savior in the coming months. This is our chance to ground ourselves in just being people on earth.  

It’s ok to not work straight through

Your boss might disagree, but with the stress of it all, it’s hard to be firing on all cylinders All. The. Time. Even with your best attempts, you’ll be interrupted, your mind will drift, you’ll be tired of doing video calls all day long. You know what it takes to get the work done. As long as you’re getting it done, it’s ok to take time to tend to your kids, make a call to your insurance rep, or place a grocery delivery order. If you need to take care of some personal business during the day, that’s ok - that’s how work-life balance is created. 

Get movin’!

Back in the office, you were mostly confined to your desk, in that awful L-shaped seated position. If you needed to stretch it all out, it was probably awkward to foam roll on the floor every couple hours with Debbie in HR watching. But now….you’re home! This is your chance to move your body and keep it safe from those injuries related to a sedentary lifestyle. Set a timer to do regular stretches to keep your body healthy - the last thing you need is a neck cramp when all the chiropractors are closed.

If there’s a silver lining 

Find the balance that keeps you from going stir crazy. The nice thing is that your hours are usually more flexible when you’re at home, and that can actually yield more productivity than being confined to a cubicle for eight hours of the day.

Maybe this whole situation will build better, healthier work habits. After all, it takes an average of 66 days to form a new habit. We’re about half way there. We can either worsen neck and back pains, stress eat, and feel even more secluded in our Seattle freeze when we come out of this health crisis….or, we can pick up a new hobby, make meaningful connections in our communities and realize that we’re more resilient than we know. This is a scary time, so here’s to the long haul.

Before I log off, I want to remind you our counselors are here for you. They can chat over video if you need someone to talk this out with. Even when you’re physically distancing, there’s still a way to connect. They’re as real behind a screen as they are in person. 

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Karen Lenz is the Office Whiz and Insurance Guru at People Bloom Counseling. She writes blog posts as a human navigating this world, a client sitting across from a therapist, much like you. In these stressful times, she has never been more thankful to have her dog Ziggy by her side during her work days. He loves making appearances behind her in conference calls and getting laughs out of everyone! He makes all the stress melt away and reminds her of what matters most.

The Truth Hurts, and that’s Not Just the Song - Part II

Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash

In my last post, I declared my fandom for Lizzo, briefly introduced Health at Every Size (HAES) and disputed the BMI myth. 

Today, I want to tell you more about HAES and how it’s disrupting the way we see ourselves, for the better.

Why Diets Don’t Work

Can you think of anyone that has lost a significant amount of weight by intentional dieting, especially within a short period of time and not gained any of it back? It’s unlikely, because diets have a 95% fail rate.* Our bodies all have something called a “set weight point,” which is basically a happy place that our bodies naturally like to hang out in. It fluctuates either direction about ten pounds, dependent on a slew of factors including hormones, water, and bowel (yes that means poop). When we try to defy it with restrictive diets, our metabolism slows and our body does whatever it can to get us back to home base. That’s because our body is trying to keep us alive! Yo-yo dieting messes with our metabolism, hunger/fullness hormones, and in addition to weight gain, has worse long-term health outcomes than not dieting at all. 

When it’s never enough 

If you, like myself, have been a historic yoyo dieter… you’ve probably noticed that even in the times you do manage to “lose the weight,” you’re not completely satisfied. There’s always more to go - five more pounds, one more size down, one less pinch of extra skin on your hips. It’s never enough, even when it was supposed to be. Most of us really never have that “Hells yes, I’m done!” moment where everything in life seems in place once we lose the weight or fit into the pants. Even those in the thinnest bodies have insecurities, and would change things about themselves if they could. Then what does that tell us? It’s not about the weight. We’re looking for something else. It could be a sense of control… maybe acceptance. Perhaps some sort of “good enough-ness.” It’s okay to ask for help to begin to peel back these layers when we’re ready. 

When food is food

What if we could create a culture where food is just food? We eat what makes our bodies feel good, in honor of what our bodies do for us, and not our clothing size. When we aren’t denying ourselves by numbers and caloric deficits, it’s amazing how food begins to lose its power; a power that humans ascribe to it. Down with the food rules. Instead, we should be listening to our bodies tell us what to put in it that makes us feel our best...and how we choose to move it, move it. 

The importance of physical activity

Speaking of movin’ it, one of the best predictors of long-term health is regular activity. Rather than using exercise to compensate for consumed calories, reduce guilt, or as punishment, we should be finding ways to honor and appreciate our bodies through movement that we actually enjoy. Our bodies do a lot for us, and they deserve a little (or a lot of) appreciation. Not everyone has the privilege of mobility...but those of us who are able-bodied are able to jump, dance, walk, and play. And that should count for something. Ya don’t have to love your body all the time, or even like it. We just hope that you can despise it less and appreciate it more. And even though your body does cool stuff for you, it’s just the shell we call home for our short time in this life. There’s a whole self inside of you who holds your true worth, and your sense of self is not contingent on the shell you reside in.

How Health at Every Size is changing the game

The HAES movement is pushing for change. Instead of an obsession with losing weight, we want to lose the weight stigma, and educate the public on empirically supported indicators of health and well-being.

The Official Health At Every Size® Principles*: 

1. Weight Inclusivity: Accept and respect the inherent diversity of body shapes and sizes and reject the idealizing or pathologizing of specific weights. 

2. Health Enhancement: Support health policies that improve and equalize access to information and services, and personal practices that improve human well-being, including attention to individual physical, economic, social, spiritual, emotional, and other needs. 

3. Respectful Care: Acknowledge our biases, and work to end weight discrimination, weight stigma, and weight bias. Provide information and services from an understanding that socio-economic status, race, gender, sexual orientation, age, and other identities impact weight stigma, and support environments that address these inequities. 

4. Eating for Well-being: Promote flexible, individualized eating based on hunger, satiety, nutritional needs, and pleasure, rather than any externally regulated eating plan focused on weight control. 

5. Life-Enhancing Movement: Support physical activities that allow people of all sizes, abilities, and interests to engage in enjoyable movement, to the degree that they choose. 

But wait, there’s more! 

The information above is just scratching the surface. There are A TON of fantastic resources available for HAES informed material and oh-so-much greatness to learn. I know it’s peak season for diet culture. So instead of Googling “best weight-loss plans for 2020”, I hope you do yourself the favor of leaning into the resources below:

https://www.sizediversityandhealth.org/index.asp

https://haescommunity.com/find/

Instagram: #haes 
(This hashtag will connect you to various body positive/HAES informed accounts of professionals, advocates, and just regular bad-ass people)

*Data Borrowed from -
Body Respect: What Conventional Health Books Get Wrong, Leave Out, and Just Plain Fail to Understand about Weight by Lindo Bacon and Lucy Aphramor.

And https://www.sizediversityandhealth.org/content.asp?id=152

Lastly, if these resources aren’t enough and you need a professional to be with you on this journey of self-care, come see me. Let’s get you started on self-love.  

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Abby Erickson is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor at People Bloom Counseling, a Redmond psychotherapy practice. She helps people with anxiety and social anxiety learn ways to better manage their angst. She also helps people struggling with low self-esteem and body image issues be comfortable in their own skin. She longs to help create a world where women and men learn to love their bodies.

The Truth Hurts, and that’s Not Just the Song - Part 1

Photo by Iyunmai on Unsplash

The latest celebrity gossip 

In case you haven’t been keeping up with the latest celebrity gossip, I have some tea for you! Fitness trainer Jillian Michaels was heavily criticized for a post on social media. This had nothing to do with her workouts, but it had everything to do with her body shaming musical artist Lizzo about her size and insinuating that she’s at risk for diabetes.

There was a lot of backlash on social media for this inaccurate statement. Let’s get one thing straight: Lizzo plays two-hour shows while singing, dancing, twerking, AND playing the flute...in heels. That woman has got some serious stamina!

Health at every size 

Michael’s comment is a reminder that a lot of the world still needs to catch up with the progressive Health at Every Size (HAES) movement, pioneered by the brilliant and courageous Linda Bacon. If you’re not familiar with HAES, please keep reading because the following information could be life-changing. It sure has been for me. 

Negative word association 

Our culture has stigmatized folks in larger bodies for decades. Think of the word “fat”... what comes up for you? Did you get a little spike of anxiety? Maybe a mental image of a larger-bodied person eating a super-sized meal? What words do you associate with “fat”? If you can only think of negative words and images, you’re not alone. 

Our culture has long taught us that fatness is associated with laziness, gluttony, grossness, and overall badness. It is easy to gloss through these words and carry on as if they don’t have an impact. Except they do. Take a moment with these words: Laziness. Gluttony. Grossness. Badness. There’s nothing good about these descriptions. 

Fat people are often treated worse than people who are so called, “skinny.” Society tells us that fatness always equals unhealthiness. This belief is perpetuated by misinformed medical/wellness professionals who use illegitimate measures of health based on weight. 

The BMI myth

The labels most commonly tacked onto fat folks are “obese” and “overweight,” which both originated from the Body Mass Index (BMI), an algebreic calculation used as an indicator for health risk based on height and weight ONLY.* It does not account for a lot of other variables to make our bodies different: water, hormones, bone density, muscle mass, activity level or other factors. By this measure, Lebron James would be flagged as overweight. If medical professionals are only using the BMI chart as a reference, they’d let him know that his knees might stop hurting if he dropped some lbs. Even though the medical field knows better than to actually apply this measure to athletes, it is still often applied to the general public.

Taking back the label

HAES proposes that if the BMI measure is BS, so are the labels. The words “obese” and “overweight” have implications of poor health, which isn’t an accurate experience of every larger-bodied person. We’ve all seen this: some larger-bodied people can run a half marathon while other “model-looking” individuals have trouble climbing a small hill. Someone’s size does not tell us the whole picture about a person’s health and capabilities! 

Because of this, people in large bodies are reclaiming the word “fat” as an identifier and working to end the stigma. Just as someone can be neutrally tall or short, they can be neutrally fat or thin…and all of it is okay. 

Learning to be okay with your body

If you’re struggling with living life as a person who identifies as fat, I see you. Maybe you’re struggling with living life as a perfectly imperfect-bodied person, I also see you. When I think back at a comic of a young average-sized woman in front of a mirror, asking, “Which bit would you alter first?” I really liked the response of the woman across from her, perhaps it’s mom or someone from the medical profession: “The culture.” 

Come on in if you’d like help learning to be okay with your body. Let’s help you love your body for all that it has to offer you!

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Abby Erickson is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor at People Bloom Counseling, a Redmond psychotherapy practice. She helps people with anxiety and social anxiety learn ways to better manage their angst. She also helps people struggling with low self-esteem and body image issues be comfortable in their own skin. She longs to help create a world where women and men learn to love their bodies.

5 Tips for Getting Through the Holiday Dinner with Dietary Restrictions

Photo by Christiann Koepke on Unsplash

Time for another “how to get through the holidays” blog! Today, I’m going commiserate with you about how hard it is to eat around other people when you have food restrictions. This is especially true around the holidays. 

Holidays with people you don’t know well

There’s a reason there are so many advice columns for how to get through holiday gatherings, and it’s not because we are all socially inept knuckleheads. We need special guidance during the holidays because it’s the season for spending quality time with family but also a mixed bag of acquaintances we don’t know well. In daily life, our friends know us, including our quirky dietary restrictions, and they accept us for who we are. We share common interest with our chosen family and probably feel a little less pressure and judgment from the kickball team, your best buds at happy hour, or the book club gals. During the holidays you’re trapped around a table with your disapproving in-laws, your boss’ wife, or your Uncle Waylon, and they quickly remind you that your food preferences are, for a lack of a better word, weird.

Where there’s a holiday, there will be food.

If you’re one of the many people trying to follow a strict diet this season, this is for you. Dietary restrictions are becoming more common than ever. If you’ve hosted a gathering in the last few years and tried to accommodate everyone’s preferences, you probably found it’s nearly impossible. I have been both the host and the guest with food intolerances, and every year I learn new tricks for getting through the holiday season without starving or going insane.

There are countless reasons why we may have a preference for certain food choices. I avoid certain foods because of autoimmune disease. But you could have diabetes, you could be trying to have a healthier relationship with food, or you may have allergies. Maybe you’re just keto-curious or you just want to detox. You could be a recovering alcoholic. Your reasons are personal to you.

Not wanting to offend anybody

Homemade dishes are also deeply personal to the cook.  People are often passionate about sharing their food. The green bean casserole Aunt Marie brought is a family recipe passed down generations. She may not be able fathom how anyone could turn down the dish she poured her heart into.

I get it. Food is a sensitive and tricky topic to navigate, so if you’re the one who has dietary restrictions, here are some tips for a stress-free holiday dinner:    

1. Find out what’s being served and set expectations

It’s ok to ask the host what’s on the menu in advance. If there are dishes that you really want to sample that may be safe, ask the host to share the recipes with you.

When you speak with the host, make it clear that they don’t have to go out of their way for you. You have lived with your food restrictions long enough to know not to expect to be able to eat much of the food, and have found ways around it.  

Some hosts want to make sure everyone is taken care of and will accommodate your needs, at least with a dish or two. When that happens, it’s ok to accept people’s kindness. Tell them it’s not necessary, but thank them kindly if they insist.

You already know that when you leave your house, many foods might become off limits. Expect to put in your time with mixed company and eat the items you can eat, knowing  that you may still be hungry when you get home. Be prepared to go home to enjoy your second dinner in your comfy pants later.

2. Bring a dish to share

Hopefully you’ve had a chance to explore food you can eat that you love. If you love it, share it! Cook a dish that will be satisfying to you that can be shared with everyone, and not just dessert. It should be part of the meal so that you can feel like you’re really participating in the dining experience. You can mention it’s dairy/sugar/nut or whatever free, and see everyone’s delight when they realize vegan food can be delicious! Or, if you prefer to avoid the topic (more on that below), don’t mention it and enjoy the meal without making a big deal. 

3. Be unapologetic

I used to be embarrassed about my dietary restrictions. I felt so out of place in gatherings when I was the only one on a special diet. I didn’t like the attention it put on me if my plate was emptier than everyone else’s because I couldn’t eat much.

I especially never wanted a host to make anything special - hosting is hard enough, and I didn’t want to be a nuisance. Over the years I learned to let that go. If the host made me something specially, I am now grateful and feel cared for rather than guilty. It’s a bit like accepting a compliment: doing it with grace takes a lifetime of practice, but you realize it saves a lot of awkwardness if you learn to appreciate the sentiment instead of arguing.

Do remember your truth. You know why you eat a certain way, and sometimes it’s hard to stay true to your needs in a holiday gathering. Before sitting down to dinner, remember this mantra: My diet is my business, it’s important to me, and I don’t have to answer to everyone. It’s great to say this to yourself, but how do you handle rude questions, curiosity and advice from people who know nothing about the topic? This leads to the next tip… 

4. Expect a running commentary

People are curious about things that are different or strange to them. People can also be opinionated, especially about food! They will ask if your dietary restriction is a choice or an allergy. But, it’s your body after all! They’ll ask what nightshades will do to you if you eat them. Well, they’ll never fully know or understand! Explicit detail about what it will do to your intestinal tract is really not for the dinner table.

When dinner guests make comments, refer back to the mantra above. Unless you really want to talk about it, it’s ok to not answer questions.  So… What do you say when it comes up? If it makes you uncomfortable, feel free to say, “Yes, I avoid dairy, but I prefer not to discuss the reasons while eating. Sometimes it’s good to just enjoy the meal without getting too in depth.” You can also add a little humor to it: “I really want to spare you the details because it’s a real appetite spoiler!” Keep your tone casual and light. If they keep pushing it - that’s on them.

5. Notice how you participate and practice letting go

Some people with dietary restrictions are happy to share their reasons with a crowd. If you do decide to share, notice how your contribution might be received by those around you. You may eat a certain way because it’s ethical and leaves a small footprint. That’s wonderful! But just because you’re annoyed by Uncle Waylon’s snarky comments about how you’re eating rabbit food and need to get some meat on your bones, doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to impose your lifestyle on him. He can eat his turkey in peace as well. There’s a time and place for sharing your truth, and holiday gatherings might not be one of those times. I know you’re passionate about your values and want to get the word out - but you can guess how well it will go when you tell Uncle Waylon about the conditions at the slaughterhouse. Hint: not well. People can be set in their ways, and the hour you have around the dinner table is likely not going to change anyone’s mind.

Other considerations

It’s ok not to engage if you don’t want to

How about the dinner guests that make comments or try to dissuade you from your diet? Try to change the topic. I used to get annoyed when people brought up the fad nature of a gluten free diet and assume it was a choice. Some would cite articles about how the harmfulness of gluten has been debunked. But they don’t know my particular condition. My autoimmune disease = not compatible with gluten.

There was a time I would get defensive, explaining the blood/brain barrier and how it destroys my stomach lining over time, etc. etc. I realized that by getting into it, I was encouraging a discussion that I didn’t want to be having. Jim and Janet might not actually care to know the science behind my food restrictions, and it’s not a great topic to discuss in mixed company anyway. If I had just let it go and not cared what they think, we all would have had a nicer time at that gathering.

This is the art of letting go.

You get to decide whether or not you want to discuss it

If you don’t mind getting into the details, then refer back to tip no. 3: try to be unabashed in conversation too, not just in your mind. Stand up for your decisions and state your point of view - it can be a worthy discussion. It doesn’t reflect on you that others don’t understand or respect your lifestyle. It might not be the right time or maybe the two of you can just agree to disagree. Whether you talk about it or not is up to you; it’s not your job to make others comfortable with your explanations or justifications about your life.

Enjoy the challenge

Wishing you and your boss, your uncle’s girlfriend, and your mother-in-law a peaceful holiday gathering this year! I can’t help you when politics come up around the dinner table, but maybe this article will help you keep the topic of your gluten-free stuffing from escalating into a whole “thing.” 

Happy holidays to you and yours from everyone here at People Bloom! We look forward to serving you in 2020!

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Karen Lenz is the Office Whiz Extraordinaire at People Bloom Counseling. She writes blog posts as a human navigating this world, a client sitting across from a therapist, much like you. She is looking forward to trying out a new cashew cheese quiche recipe on her unsuspecting family. If they are wowed, that’s a win. And if they don’t like it - well, more for her!

We All Judge Others Sometimes...and Here's Why we Should Cut it Out

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. 
-Plato

Jumping to judgement 

Go with me on this, because I know we’ve all been here. You’re sitting at a restaurant table, patiently awaiting the arrival of your meal. Ya know...that in-between time when you’re sipping your “fun” drink and also trying to sift the lemon seed out of your water. You’re chatting with that friend, partner, coworker, or maybe your mother across from you. There is a lull in conversation, and you both look aside to see another woman settling into her seat across the restaurant. 

Your table guest looks back at you and says, “Woah, that gal clearly did not check her backside in the mirror before she left...she should not be wearing those pants;” she giggles passively with widened eyes and a sideways glance. Something about it doesn’t feel quite right as you receive her words. Half smiling, you respond, “Yeah, I know, right?” A tinge of relief sweeps over as you notice your server making his way to your table with entrees in hand. 

Not having it 

F*ck. That. Shit. Why is it that we consider these judgmental side comments about others’ appearance or demeanor “normal?” Do women need to gauge their wardrobe choices based on other women’s approval? This all too common behavior might be why some women have trouble trusting other women. It also might be the reason some women are labeled as fake, catty or passive aggressive. I’ve caught myself being judgmental, and it bothers me when I replay it in my head.  

Let me tell you why. 

I work with many young women and teenagers and this is the very thing they struggle with. Most all of them come in with at least some concerns related to self-esteem, body-image, or are otherwise critical about their appearance. Given the relentless social pressure from unrealistic media influences, the struggle is real. So much so that an overlying theme, and hallmark of issues like social anxiety, is a fear of negative judgment by others.

The behaviors we were modeled

As I work with my clients to understand their experiences, I notice they all have another thing in common -- judgmental behavior towards others has been modeled by someone they respect(ed)... a friend, partner, coworker or mother sitting across the table. These experiences shape a certain reality for them. My clients learn to believe that their imperfections stand out, to EVERYONE. Someone will undoubtedly notice their acne; their last-season scuffed boots will raise an eyebrow; the bit of skin hanging over their waistband will. be. criticized. 

If we’ve been socialized to notice others, why wouldn’t we assume others notice everything about us?

How we came to struggle 

As if we don’t have enough to worry about, it sometimes feels like we are walking around in a magnifying glass bubble, our every flaw exposed. This amplifies our self consciousness and sense of insecurity. And these insecurities can drive a chain of replicated behavior -  what we despise about ourselves we tend to project onto others. We judge, we snicker, we stereotype, we speculate. We end up making assumptions about people and situations that we really know nothing about. 

Some of this is to be expected - we so desperately want to put labels on our ambiguous world to make sense of it. However, when we look at others, we fail to consider that what we see on the outside may be covering a larger story... a story filled with pain-soaked words, loneliness, and trauma.

The whole story

Maybe the person who needs the seatbelt extension on the plane has an autoimmune disease, or maybe she suffered unimaginable abuse as a child… and she drowns out that suffering the only way she knows how. Maybe that girl’s scuffed boots were the only Christmas gift she received last year, which her single mother purchased from a second-hand store after weeks of saving up. Maybe the teenage girl you saw walking down the street in baggy sweatpants is on her way to the community clinic to get an abortion following a horrific sexual assault. Maybe someone with grown-out roots can’t afford another trip to the salon right now, because her son has a disability and she needs to prioritize therapy costs. 

But maybe not. Perhaps none of these stories are reality for these people… but that’s not the point. The point is that we Just. Don’t. Know. When we people-watch, we draw conclusions based on our own experiences, not the experience of the other. 

How we can be better 

What if we consciously lifted each other up? Next time Debbie from accounting walks by in one of her sequined tops fit to win an ugly sweater contest, let. it. go. She’s got her style; you’ve got yours. Similarly, Maddy can choose what she wants to eat for lunch without a running commentary. Let it be a thing of the past when people avoid walking by a gaggle of girlfriends for fear of hearing their whispers, followed by giggles.  

If you HAVE to make a comment about someone, then let it be kind. Make note of someone’s pretty nail color, cute top, or confident energy. What’s more, ask them how they’re doing, applaud them for speaking up, see them as one of you. Build. Them. Up. Women face enough pressure trying to navigate life “the right way.” We don’t need the added insecurity of feeling emotionally threatened within our own communities.

Go the extra mile: When you notice sh*t-talking, call it out, with kindness. And if you catch yourself doing it, own it and apologize. Develop accountability for how you are working to stop this behavior by giving permission to call each other out. This can help raise awareness and help you reflect on the impact of what you say and do. Recognize that how you speak about other women behind their backs matters: the pattern of negative behavior becomes more ingrained in you and it’s another jab against them when they’re already fighting a hard battle. Instead of judgement and criticism, let’s approach these observations with curiosity and compassion, and help others do the same.

Putting on kindness

In the moment, it might feel good to turn to a girlfriend with a knowing look and a gasp that says “Can you believe that sweater?!” but immediately after, something feels off inside. That off feeling can be a kind of shame creeping in -  your higher consciousness knowing you’ve done something mean spirited. Putting on kindness has a way of lifting your spirit. You can leave the restaurant knowing you were a better version of yourself.

So choose kindness. If you need help changing these conversations, I’m here. If you need help dealing with the effects of these comments, I can be that person for you too. 

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Abby Erickson is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor at People Bloom Counseling, a Redmond psychotherapy practice. She helps people with anxiety and social anxiety learn ways to better manage their angst. She also helps people struggling with low self-esteem and body image issues be comfortable in their own skin. She longs to help create a world where women and men learn to love their bodies.

A Challenge from a Mental Health Counselor: Part with your Phone for a Few Hours

Photo by You X Ventures on Unsplash

Out of my routine

It was an unusual Saturday where I woke up early and saw two clients via teletherapy. I was gone the last two weeks and wanted to be available to my people. After wrapping up my notes, I changed and left the house for an Orange Theory class. Little did I know, I remembered everything but my phone.

Well, this was better than the day before where I remembered everything but my runners. Needless to say, I couldn’t attend class then, and I wasn’t about to miss class again by turning around.

My device can’t be that important.

Waiting without my phone

The power class kicked my butt and I felt like it wasn’t going to end. When it finally did, I was so ready to reward myself with yummy take out! In Redmond, there are a number of Indian restaurants and I craved curry. After ordering a vegetarian curry and a lamb saag, I sat, waiting.

Remembering that I’d forgotten my phone, I was intentional in looking around and noticing things I would otherwise miss. The restaurant’s décor, the people working, the people dining. Perhaps I can finally take in what’s around me, rather than have my nose buried in a screen.

Phoneless and distracted

As I sat and looked around, my mind was distracted. I should check Whatsapp to see what’s up with my family. I don’t have my phone. Interesting art this restaurant has. This place is not very crowded at this hour. Oh, I wonder if that coffee shop around the corner is any good. Let me look up reviews. I don’t have my phone. What’s the weather like for the rest of the day? I don’t have my phone.

Why do any of these things matter anyway?

Takeout in hand, I strolled to a nearby coffee shop and ordered drinks. The line was long and I again waited patiently. Twice I found myself fumbling around in my purse for a phone I didn’t have. Instead of checking Facebook for the 3rd time that day, I noticed a hairstyle I’d like to try, a barista who spilled half the drink and had to remake it, a cute dog on the sidewalk, chalk art on the wall…

I would’ve missed all that if I had my device because I wouldn’t have spared a moment to simply wait. Like wait in line without engaging in something or with someone to distract me from the monotony of waiting.

What novelty.

I’m not that important

I finally got home and started eating. Normally, I would swipe my phone this way or that while eating and taste very little of my food. That day, I decided that if my phone could wait a few hours, then what’s another half hour? The curry and saag were very tasty. My drink was only so so.

When I finally picked up my phone, nothing important came through. My family said nothing out of the ordinary. The Bahamas are just as devastated by Hurricane Dorian. My husband was tired from SUP and had no reason to reach me. By then, I didn’t even bother with Facebook.

So much for FOMO.

Do you have your device or does your device have you?

Now, I understand you probably have more important apps on your phone. The stock market could have varied since the morning. Your friends are planning a meetup. Someone might have responded to you on LinkedIn. You might have a few more followers on Instagram. You couldn’t take a picture of the coffee shop line and mark your location.

But, when was the last time you were without your phone and how did that disrupt your routine? Were you agitated because you couldn’t get a hold of so and so and you wondered if the world was just passing you by? Or, did your mind conjure up the worst case scenario happening to the people you love and how you couldn’t be reached?

I understand you could be a very important person and your followers are hanging onto your every character on Twitter. But what if there could be a sense of freedom, of unburdening that happens when you’re not tethered to the lives of others, to the latest news, traffic or weather?

I know it’s hard to imagine, but we didn’t always have this. How did we wait in lines then? How did we know what restaurant to try when we didn’t have the reviews of others to draw upon? How did we go about our lives not knowing whether the roads are congested or exactly who responded to the invite?

How were we ever without our devices?

You’re going to be okay

As uncomfortable as it may be, you’re going to survive without your device. There’s a quality of presence that comes from being fully there, wherever you are, without the need to check this or get an update on that. Would you find yourself more engaged with the people who matter to you, who are right there with you? Could you notice something you’ve never seen before, even though you’ve been at that restaurant for the Nth time?

Might you learn something about yourself, if nothing other than, “I may be upset that I’m without my phone, but my phone is not my life. I can part with it. And the next time I pick it up, I can decide how I want to use it.”

Wanting to be less dependent on your phone is something many of us can relate to. Let us know if you need help with this or other areas of your life. Our mental health counselors are here.

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Ada Pang is the proud owner of People Bloom Counseling, a Redmond psychotherapy practice. She helps unhappy couples find safety and connection in their relationship. She also helps cancer thrivers and their caregivers integrate cancer into their life stories. While writing this blog, she only checked her phone once. She finished sooner because she didn't have to context switch. Ah-mazing. Okay, maybe not so ah-mazing. You can be pretty ordinary too, you know?