Photo by Brandable Box on Unsplash
Having recently moved, packing and unpacking have become top of mind. My partner has five times the number of books I do, and all the items in the kitchen are my doing. There was random shit in every section of the house; things we’d forgotten we had or quite frankly, don’t remember when and how we might have acquired them. After all the hustle and bustle, here are a few tips for how to stay partnered while packing and moving.
Leverage your strengths and different “departments”
While one of you might be better at organizing, you can’t do it all. If it’s an area of the house that one of you is more familiar with, then let that person do the packing and unpacking. My mom often says, “Oh, that’s your dad’s department…” and I borrow that phrase from time-to-time. I have no business in trying to decide which books my husband should keep or how to pack stuff for the RV, nor would it be helpful for my husband to determine where things should go in the kitchen as the sous chef.
It can still be a good idea to give recommendations like, “I think we should get a tub to organize our RV stuff in the garage,” or my husband picked out the spice drawer in our kitchen while I organized everything else. Other than that, it makes sense for one of you to lead a “department” you’re more well versed in and for the other to be okay with the decision made. You can still adjust and shift things when you’re settled in, but during crunch-time, focus on what you’re good at and the areas of the house you’re most familiar with and let your partner do the same.
Know that at least one of you is a pack rat
In the early days of the pandemic, I Marie Kondo’ed a lot of my wardrobe, paperwork and memorabilia. After all, there were clothes I kept that I haven’t worn in years, worksheets that I can easily find online and cards from second grade I’d never look at again. My husband didn’t share my enthusiasm for decluttering. He said the only thing he wanted to Marie Kondo was the Marie Kondo method itself!
And so, when it came time to pack, I had a much easier time. After a couple more years in the pandemic though, the things I found important to keep changed yet again. Now cards from twenty years ago also made it into the shred pile. My husband with his more varied interests and hobbies had more sorting to do. While I had, on occasion, made comments like, “Are you going to keep that?” I’ve tried very hard to focus on my pile and my “department”.
It’s a-okay to have a pack rat amongst you. That’s most couples I know. While I would’ve wanted my husband to throw or give away more from his collection, he did the best he could given the stress and that was all I could ask for.
Go at your own pace and work at different times
Packing and moving is stressful and couples don’t always have the same capacity at the same time. There were moments where I was knee deep in decluttering and my husband was on the couch on his phone. Contrary, when he was running up and down the stairs like a chicken with his head cut off, I was sitting on the steps on a call with a friend. We each worked to our capacity on that given day and had to take a break. While it’s easy to think that your partner shouldn’t need to take a break with his buddy when you haven’t even found the time to run to the bathroom, first of all, go use the bathroom. Second of all, if you’re both working hard towards a common goal - and some days you have more in you than other days and vice versa - then this is you, packing and moving together.
What about you?
If you’re packing and moving or going through other life transitions, we get it! We have clinicians for whom this is a well-traveled path. We’d love to help you and/or your partner adjust to this next phase of life.
Ada Pang is the proud owner of People Bloom Counseling, a Redmond psychotherapy practice. She helps unhappy couples find safety and connection in their relationship. She also helps cancer thrivers and their caregivers integrate cancer into their life stories. She knew they weren’t planning to move when she found two Costco jugs of laundry detergent while packing. She took a picture to capture the moment. Sometimes it’s hard to take life too seriously.