Are you sick of anxiety being at the driver’s seat, veering you toward the safest path but keeping you from the scenic route of your life? I can help you take back the wheel and enjoy the sights again.

We’ve all had those times where anxiety takes over. This blog is for those folks whose anxiety interferes with life and tends to run the show on the reg. Anxiety can feel like a big scary no-no, a visceral experience in our bodies that must be avoided at all costs. But avoiding the things that cause anxiety often means we’re letting fear sit in the driver’s seat, ergo missing out on all the fun. That’s shitty and sad! But I bring good news - it doesn’t have to be this way.

Say what, Abby!? I don’t have to miss out on my life anymore because I’m anxious? Tell me MORE!

Alright then I will.

The root cause of anxiety

Let’s get back to the basics and remind ourselves just what anxiety is. At the root, anxiety is a physical experience that begins in our nervous system when it perceives a real or imagined threat. According to Polyvagal Theory (give it a Google if you’re curious), this begins at an unconscious level with something called neuroception. Neuroception is like a smoke alarm, which is necessary and important, and also a giant pain in the ass.

When our smoke alarm is super sensitive

Have you ever lived in a place with a super sensitive smoke alarm? The ones that go off when you’re just cooking chicken? There’s no real danger, nothing is actually wrong, but the thing lets you know that THERE MAY BE PERHAPS KIND OF ALMOST A PROBLEM HERE, WITH ITS LOUD OBNOXIOUS BEEPING JUST IN CASE!?!

Some of our nervous systems work like really sensitive smoke alarms, particularly for folks with trauma history where things really haven’t been physically or emotionally safe in the past. If this sounds familiar, you’re not broken, and there’s nothing wrong with you.

The sensitive smoke alarm likely served you well in the past to protect you from harm, but maybe not so much now. While we might not (and wouldn’t want to) completely rid ourselves of our alarm system, we can help it heal by teaching it that things are okay.

Calibrating your smoke alarm

We teach the smoke alarm that there’s no real cause for alarm by slowly exposing ourselves to the discomfort or source of the anxiety. It’s like saying to ourselves, Danger was then. Not now. No, it wasn’t okay then, but it’s okay now. This allows us to slowly take back the wheel of our life. Many of us have reinforced our smoke alarm by avoiding anything that could set it off, which might help us avoid anxiety, but we also end up avoiding our own lives. If we avoid anything scary, it also means our smoke alarm will malfunction when things do come up because it’s so out of practice. To the smoke alarm, everything seems scary, unless we take the time to calibrate it.

How to take control of anxiety

Name those uncomfortable feelings

The first step in facing anxiety is to reframe the experience of anxiety as a really uncomfortable feeling. Humans are built to tolerate some discomfort - you’ve done it throughout your life when you pushed through that English paper, dragged through that last set of reps on the weight set, or been vulnerable with a significant other. You can do hard things. Try to figure out what it is that’s causing the anxiety and acknowledge it consciously.

Break down the source of the anxiety - starting with the easy stuff first

Once you’ve identified the situations that you typically avoid because they bring up anxiety, you can break them down into steps that progressively get harder. Start with the easiest aspect of the discomfort, and do that until anxiety is at a manageable level. Then take it to the next step up and repeat.

This part usually needs an example. Take social anxiety. Let’s say you just moved to Washington for a new job. You don’t know a soul and we all know how hard it is to make new friends as adults. Let’s say your company party is coming up and the thought of interacting with everyone at once sends you into a panic.

Start with baby steps.

If big groups make your heart race, start small - get to know one or two coworkers at a time first. This could look like joining the ones that seem approachable in the lunchroom at first. Then, as you get more comfortable, ask a coworker who seems like pal material to coffee (and hey, if they say no, no sweat - offer to pick some up for them when you go and bring it back and win hearts). Repeat. Over time these small steps build those office bonds. Having just one or two people in your corner makes being in large groups a little easier to face.

Take a deep breath

I know this is easier said than done. So as you’re trying new things that cause anxiety, remember to breathe through it. Deep breathing is a great tool to use to cope with the anxiety that comes up. If you notice signs of anxiety creeping up, remind yourself that your nervous system is just trying to protect you with that smoke alarm and focus on your breath.

Open up

If you’re worried about being judged for your anxiety - that’s understandable. But you’d be surprised at how many people understand and relate to fears that you have. Next time you’re with someone you trust, bring up your fear of flying or your worries about going on that first date and see where the conversation goes.

Experiencing anxious moments is very much a part of being human.

Uncomfortable but rewarding

This process can feel yucky, but ultimately, getting on that airplane or going to that get together to make memories with your loved ones is worth it. The goal is not to feel no, null or zero anxiety. Rather, it is calibrating your smoke alarm to go off when there really is a cause for alarm, and to otherwise feel some manageable level of anxiety while still doing what you love.

This is you taking your life back.

I’m here for you

Often times, people need a little help figuring out what those baby steps look like. If that’s you, I sometimes have room on my schedule.

Make an Appointment today

Abby Erickson is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor at People Bloom Counseling, a Redmond psychotherapy practice. She helps people with anxiety and social anxiety learn ways to better manage their angst. She also helps people struggling with low self-esteem and body image issues be comfortable in their own skin. Coming out of the pandemic, she has enjoyed new restaurants, new experiences in Seattle and catching up with old friends. Her puppy training has kept her pretty busy.