What Taylor Swift’s The End of an Era Taught Me About Love, Burnout, and Teamwork

I confess: I am not a certifiable Swiftie. As a mental health therapist, I only know certain sections of her music and couldn’t sing you a single Taylor Swift song from absolute beginning to end. But after watching (and, okay, re-watching) her The End of an Era series on Netflix, I found myself captivated.

You don’t have to know every lyric to appreciate the massive human experience playing out on that stage. In fact, looking at her journey through a therapeutic lens, I noticed three profound themes about the emotional weights we carry, the communities we need, and the unexpected ways love shows up.

Here is what Taylor's world reminded me about our own.

1. The "Show Must Go On" (But You Still Need a Place to Break Down)

There is a moment in the series where Taylor speaks about navigating intense, heavy grief following the Liverpool tragedy. Right after facing those immense emotions, she had to immediately perk up, step into the glitter, and perform. As she put it, "that's just how it's got to be."

There’s a part of me as a clinician that truly aches for her in that moment. But it also highlights a grounded reality: the audience doesn't expect a weepy version of Taylor to show up. People don’t pour their life savings into a concert ticket to watch their favorite artist break down on stage. They expect the performer.

We all have versions of this in our own lives, don't we?

• The parent who has to dry their tears in the driveway before walking inside to make dinner for the kids.

• The PM who receives devastating news but has to put on a smile for the big product launch five minutes later.

• The caregiver who pushes their own exhaustion aside because someone else depends entirely on their strength.

Compartmentalizing is a survival skill, and sometimes, it is just how it’s got to be. But the human heart isn't a machine. My deepest hope for Taylor and for you is that behind the curtain, there are safe spaces to fall apart. We all need a pocket of the world where we can let loose, cry without explaining why, talk until we're blue in the face, or just sit in total silence playing music with an old friend like Ed Sheeran.

2. No One Rules the Stage Alone

While the docuseries is inherently about Taylor, I absolutely loved how much of the spotlight she shared. She shines a massive light on her dancers, her backup singers, and her family. She uses her giant platform to lift up incredible human beings who might otherwise go unnoticed by the masses, getting her fans to care about them deeply.

It’s a beautiful reminder of our mutual humanity. Those performers wouldn't be on that colossal stage without her, but the reverse is equally true. She couldn't put on that breathtaking, world-class show entirely by herself.

Think of your life as a stage:

• Who are the "backup singers" holding harmony for you when your voice gets tired?

• Who are the "dancers" keeping the energy alive around you when you feel like dropping?

• Are you remembering to look around and appreciate the crew making your daily life possible?

When we acknowledge that we are part of an ecosystem, it takes the pressure off us to be everything to everyone. True strength isn't about solo performance, it’s about community.

3. Love Often Casts the Most Unlikely Characters

As a Marriage and Family Therapist, one of my favorite parts of the job is listening to love stories. There are times when clients become quite surprised by the partner they ended up meeting. They’ll smile and describe someone who is the absolute most unlikely character they ever imagined falling for, yet here they are, together.

Watching Taylor’s life, I couldn't help but notice a similar magic. It’s like watching two people from entirely different universes end up sharing the biggest stage together, each for completely different reasons. Both are fiercely familiar and comfortable with the roar of cheering crowds, both understand the heavy weight of the spotlight, and both end up influencing each other’s lives in unimaginable ways.

It gives me a lot of grounded hope. If you are someone who has been longing for a relationship and wondering if it's ever going to happen, remember that sometimes, life loves a plot twist. It’s possible that the person who matches your specific kind of "spotlight" is someone you haven’t even auditioned yet.

Finding Your Own Safe Space

We can't all sell out stadiums, but we all know what it feels like to perform when we're tired, to need a solid crew, and to hope for a love that fits. If you are feeling overwhelmed by the expectations to constantly "show up and perform," or if you're trying to figure out how to build a supportive team in your own life, you don't have to navigate it alone.

At People Bloom Counseling, we provide an encouraging, grounded space where you don't have to put on a show. You can bring your messy, tired, or hopeful self, and we will help you figure out the next steps at your own pace.

Let's find your rhythm together.

---

Ada Pang is the proud owner of People Bloom Counseling, a Redmond psychotherapy practice. She helps unhappy couples find safety and connection in their relationship. She also helps cancer thrivers and their caregivers integrate cancer into their life stories. Her partner reaches for her whenever they see Taylor perform Fearless. She can only guess why.

What I Do When I Fall in and out of Running

Not feelin’ it

I don’t like running, and I have fallen in and out of like with running for at least a decade. I suppose it’s more accurate to say I’m in a “I dislike running” phase. I first started running to get my mind off a difficult time, and I kept running when I found that I liked the meditative factor of it. Left-right-left-right, breath iiin, left-right-left-right, breath ouuut. Turns out, there’s something to it.

When we’re down in the dumps, we often want to sit in our sorrow, maybe grab a pint of ice cream and binge out in front of a light television show, or perhaps yell at a classic rom-com, “IT’S JUST NOT REAL” when the guy gets the girl. 

Just me? Yeah, I didn’t think so. 

Our body needs bilateral movement

Anyway, that’s all fine and good (in small stride) and what our bodies might also need is a little movement, a little bilateral movement. Okay, it’s going to get a bit technical here. Whether it’s walking, biking, running, swimming, what’s being activated is both sides of our brain, it’s bilateral stimulation (popular in EMDR Therapy)–that is, our brain is using both left and right hemispheres while our body is moving and taking in its surroundings.

When our brain is used in this way, we’re moving out of a “fight, flight, freeze, fawn” way of thinking into a cognitive processing way—and that’s when we are more able to feel calm, to feel relaxed. Even if it’s just a little bit, for a little time, this movement can remind our brains, and thus, our bodies, that we are okay. It’s okay. I’m okay. Over time, this reminder (even if we fake it until we make it) can help pull us out of the dumps in which we sometimes find ourselves.

Running to release 

The more I ran, the more I let go of my troubling past experience, not letting it run my mind. It wasn’t a running away from as much as it was a running through. When allowing my body to move, in a way that is calming to me, I was allowing my mind to reassess my situation, bring my awareness to the present, and be.

I’ve noticed over time, when I’m not in a “I like running” season, I’m usually focusing my movement elsewhere– like hiking, rock climbing, or dancing– and I try to remember it’s okay if I don’t stick to one activity. I have a hunch, though, that I’ll be falling back into running come autumn, the season and the season for my running stride.

What about you?

Sometimes life doesn’t go as planned, and when it doesn’t, it’s easy to forget that we may already have the tool(s) that gets us through– whether we’re currently liking it or not. Next time you find yourself at the bottom of that cookies-and-cream pint, tell yourself “It’s okay,” and then reward yourself with a little bit o’ movement, too.

Need more? 

Whether you’re needing to resume something that you know would be good for you or you’re wanting to get started on something new, I’m here for you. I know what it’s like to not feel like doing something, and to find my way back to it (time after time).

I want to help you find your way, whatever that might look like. 

---

Rachel Keo is our newest clinician at People Bloom Counseling, a Redmond psychotherapy practice in WA. She helps young adults and working professionals with life transitions. As a former high school teacher and a Peace Corps Volunteer and Teacher in Albania, she also has a heart for working with school personnel. When she isn’t running, she’s playing with her cattle pup, Kenji, and trekking the mountains by foot or rope. She hopes to have an opportunity to go through your life journey with you!

When Grief is Messy: 3 Lessons Learned (Plus a Bonus)

Photo by Danie Franco on Unsplash

When Grief is Messy

I work with cancer patients and go through the ups and downs of diagnosis and treatment with them. Having recently lost my father-in-law and previous to that, lost family members to unexpected causes, I understand that grief can be messy. 

Earlier this year, for reasons prior to my own recent loss, my relationship with grief started to shift. I miss people I’ve lost but I’m starting to accept that grief and loss are a natural part of life. While it matters how the person passed away and whether I had a chance to say goodbye, their physical absence is permanent and nothing I do can change that. I still feel saddened by their loss, but the grief feels calmer, more settled. Through my lived experiences and the witnessing of other people’s grief journey, I’ve come to three lessons learned. 

There’s no one way to grieve

When I listen to jazz, I’m reminded of dad. While washing his clothes, I teared up. We bought a used RV and he had previously questioned whether that was a good idea. I’d speak quietly to him, saying, “Dad, we’re going on an adventure”. I talk to other people about missing him. I want to be with others but I also want to be alone. 

My husband uses dad’s old keychain and will wear one of his Hawaiian shirts to our friend’s wedding tomorrow. He says he feels his feels but he doesn’t bring up dad. He has a quiet resonance to my sharing. There was a time when I wasn’t sure if he was distracting himself or avoiding his grief. I couldn’t tell, but I also need to trust his words for it. 

Grief doesn’t look any one way and it doesn’t need to. How we choose to honor the memory of those we’ve lost is very specific to us as individuals, so let’s not insist that we must cry at funerals or else it means that the person didn’t matter to us. Or, it’s a celebration of life, so no tears allowed; only happy memories. Or, how can you book a trip to Disneyland when it overlaps the deceased’s birthday, favorite holiday, or death anniversary? That’s so heartless!

How we grieve is how we grieve. How others grieve is how they grieve. Let’s not judge. 

When one grief leads to another 

The thing is, grief is messy; it’s not linear. I even intentionally mixed up the stages of grief in a previous post about cancer. Not only is grief all over the place, it also connects our hearts to other losses in ways we least expect it. 

While sad about dad, I was reminded of his sister whom we lost to cancer a few years back. Then I started missing her. As if it’s contagious, my mind shifted to an uncle on my MIL’s side of the family and we lost him almost eight years ago! My heart was whelmed over. WTF, I thought I’ve grieved the loss of these people! And I have, but that doesn’t prevent my heart and mind from making these connections. I was missing them all over again, and for a moment dipped into the pain of those losses.

It’s okay to cry again, to be surprised by your own emotions, and to replay the sound of that person’s voice in your head. Deaths are significant, no matter how long they’ve been. So take a moment and let your emotions run. The word “emotions” contains the word “motions.”

Your emotions need to move. Let them move from the inside out.

Grief happens when it happens and lasts as long as it lasts

As you can imagine, death doesn’t wait for you to be in between jobs, for your kid to be off to college, for there to be at least a five-year gap from when you last experienced a loss. Neither does grief. Grief happens when it happens. I was writing this blog and started to tear up. You can be reading a receipt and be reminded of your son’s hockey jersey number. We would need to stop watching most shows if we don’t want to be triggered by death and dying. It doesn’t take much for grief to surface and when it does, let it be. 

Grief also lasts as long as it lasts. When asked how long is my sister, my wife, my dad going to grieve, grief expert David Kessler answered, “How long is the person going to be dead? If the person is going to be dead, they’ll be grieving for a long time.” The first two years are merely the early stage of grief. Mature grief is when we live out the rest of our lives without that person. 

So, if those five days of bereavement leave didn’t do anything for you, that’s because it’s better than nothing and yet completely insufficient. Your friend got over their partner in a year and remarried and you’re still a puddle on the floor? Their grief is their business and your grief is yours. 

Let your own grief journey take you to your healing.

Bonus: Remember how you remember

If there’s no one way to grieve, there’s no one way to remember. However you choose to remember your loved one is right. And when you want to switch up your ritual, it’ll be right then too. Going fishing is a great way to grieve, as is riding on Space Mountain or eating curry fish. You don’t have to wear sackcloth and ashes to be considered legitimately grieving, though no offense if that is you. Only you would know if you’re grieving, so do you.

An invitation to grieve

My hope for you is that you may stay present with your grief and take some time with it. If you need help through the grieving process, you know where to find us. 

---

Ada Pang is the proud owner of People Bloom Counseling, a Redmond psychotherapy practice. She helps unhappy couples find safety and connection in their relationship. She also helps cancer thrivers and their caregivers integrate cancer into their life stories. She remembers her friend Molly when she sees creepy art and eats Heirloom oranges. She celebrates her aunt when she eats dim sum. May you find your ways too.