boundaries

Practical Tips for the Educator Who is Exhausted But Still Cares

The moment you step into a school, you can feel that it’s a special place. Students are learning, growing, and having those “aha” moments, and being part of that is incredibly meaningful. If you have ever worked in a school, you know how rewarding that can be. 

You also know how hard it is to be an educator. 

As a former teacher and school counselor, I get it. I have worn all the hats. And more often than not, it felt like I was failing at those various roles, while relationships, healthy habits, and my own well-being fell by the wayside. 

Between demanding workloads, tight deadlines, ever-changing policies and expectations, and a work/life balance that feels nonexistent, it feels hard to manage. This is especially true with the natural “ebb and flow” to the school year, when certain stretches of time feel more hectic than others. Some seasons feel manageable, while others feel like they’ll never end. You didn’t choose education for the paycheck, but rather to make a difference. Sometimes that sacrifice comes at the cost of your own mental health and well-being. 

Everyone gives the usual advice, like practice self-care and to “remember your why,” but I imagine you are tired of hearing that.

Let’s explore a few things that may actually help. 

Task Batching, Not Multitasking

Multitasking sounds productive, but it drains your energy quickly. Task batching is when you group similar tasks into a dedicated time block. For example, set aside 30 minutes to answer emails instead of checking them (and responding to them) throughout the day. During that task batch time, you are focused solely on that task and not distracting yourself with other tasks. 

When switching from task to task, you lose productivity, so fewer mental switches leads to less stress and more efficiency. It’s not easy to do in a school environment (where distractions are plentiful), but it’s worth a try. Look to your colleagues to help you honor this time block and discourage them from interrupting you during this dedicated time. 

Be Mindful of Your Connections

Work friends can be lifesavers, but it can also unintentionally pull you into constant negativity. Venting is normal, but when it turns into gossip or chronic complaining, it can be exhausting. Pay attention to who gives you energy and who drains your energy. Connections outside of education are also important so that work isn’t the only thing you talk about. 

Setting Boundaries, For Real

It’s okay to not bring work home with you. I know that may feel impossible, especially when you want to “do it all.” I have graded papers and sent emails at night, too. The truth is, the to-do list will still be there tomorrow. Even when you work non-stop, the list never really shrinks. Without boundaries, burnout becomes inevitable, and it sends the message that you’re always available. You are allowed to step away, and you need to step away. Consider filling your time outside of work doing things that energize you and bring you joy. 

Analog Hobbies and Limiting Screen Time

Scrolling on your phone might feel like a “relaxing” activity after a long day at work, especially when you are physically and mentally drained at the end of it. However, it keeps your brain in a constant state of overstimulation, and it leads to fatigue, poor sleep, and poor focus. Getting offline is helpful for your mind and body.

Analog hobbies, ones that don’t involve a screen, give your nervous system a much-needed break. This can include creative hobbies such as coloring, painting, crocheting, etc. It can also include brain-based activities like crossword puzzles, trivia, learning a language, etc. Lastly, physical movement like yoga, hiking, and walking can also be helpful. If movement and being outdoors appeals to you, Walk and Talk Therapy can be a great option too. 

It’s Okay to Ask for Help

You spend your days supporting others and it’s okay to need support too. It’s hard to ask for help, but there’s no shame in seeking it if you are stressed/burned out, overwhelmed, and struggling to balance it all. Talking to a mental health professional can help, especially one who understands the unique demands of being an educator. You don’t have to carry the burden alone. 

I’m here for you. 

Schedule an appointment with me

We’re thrilled to have Kristin Calvert at People Bloom Counseling, a Redmond psychotherapy practice in WA! She helps neurodivergent teens with executive functioning. She also supports educators, parents, and adults going through burnout, and various life transitions. This year, she hopes to engage in more creative hobbies, and explore more hiking trails and parks in the area! 

Three Reasons Why Traditional Talk Therapy Still Matters in the Age of TalkSpace and BetterHelp, Plus a Bonus

In the age of TalkSpace, BetterHelp, and Cerebral, traditional talk therapy is getting a bad rap. While these app-based services helped to create greater accessibility to mental health services, the pandemic has moved most mental health services online. Masked in-person visits provide social connection for those who want to leave the house, while the ease of commuting only 20 steps to your appointment is also an option. As a therapist trained in providing mid and long-term therapy, there are several reasons why I believe traditional talk therapy still matters. 

Longevity of relationship 

There are some clients I’ve known through job changes, a miscarriage and pregnancy, heartbreaks and new relationships. I’ve seen them through milestones and walked with them through peaks and valleys. 

There’s something sacred about being known and seen, when the relationship goes deep and is built through seasons of life and living. While texts and emails can be ways to connect, they are no quick fixes or replacement for a consistent human connection. This doesn’t mean you need to stay in therapy for a long time; clients come and go and come back, now with kids and new problems to tackle. The difference is they don’t have to start from scratch. 

Know how you tick

It takes time to get to know someone and be known. Some people are slow to warm up so rapport and progress can’t be rushed. Overtime, I get to know how clients respond across situations and we notice patterns. It's common for me to say in sessions, “We know this about you…” or for clients to say, “You know me so well I can say this to you…”

This deep knowing doesn’t come through brief interactions over text or voice note. This deep knowing allows for us to pivot when a modality doesn’t work, or for us to learn how to best help you. Are these conversations with your friends too hard? Let’s slice it thinner. I see that you like going on a monologue. We can take turns and I’ll reflect and make recommendations. You tend to make changes from something we talked about months ago? Now is a good time too.

Let’s do you.

Witness to your process and progress 

As both a recipient and provider of therapy, I’ve seen how progress takes time. The potential for change is understood in the history and context of the person being seen, not quick remedies to be doled out. And there’s something very healing about someone noticing those changes, witnessing that growth and reminding you how far you’ve come. “Do you remember how that used to bother you so much and now it’s just a shrug?” “You’re really noticing what’s showing up for you and pausing before reacting! Are you seeing that too?” “You’re opening up to your partner in ways you haven’t before. Wow! That’s huge!”

Who is there to see you when you’re struggling and when you’re making strides? A therapist who knows you and has been with you can be that person for you. 

A bonus: Safe parameters around the work

Most people think that traditional talk therapy requires weekly sessions, but it really depends on what you need, what your schedule allows, and what’s within your budget. Regardless of the cadence, there’s space in between sessions to process the work, without a need to constantly engage on that topic. The fact that you’ve paid into an online counseling platform like TalkSpace means you’d want to make the most out of it. I have the most beef about the messaging function which touts 24/7 accessibility to your therapist without creating safe parameters for the work. 

It is good and healthy to take a break from your problem and go on to live your life. You have other things going for you. Where you notice you’re struggling, come back to your next session and talk about it. Use the therapy space to contain your problem and know that your therapist will hold it for you until you return. There’s safety in knowing this important work has boundaries; it’s there to protect you and your therapist from burnout.

Making traditional talk therapy work 

While traditional talk therapy can feel more structured, be more cost prohibitive, and doesn’t have a flashy platform, there are ways around it. Structure is not always a bad thing and your therapist might be able to provide flexibility for shorter or less frequent sessions. Unlike online counseling platforms, talk therapy is covered or can be reimbursed by your health insurance plan. Many therapists also have a certain number of reduced fee spots reserved for under-resourced clients. 

Lastly, therapists came into this work to help people, and tech platforms that are built for therapists are not the most user-friendly. So, when you see therapy practices cobbling multiple systems together to provide a service to you or there are glitches in the systems they use, please know they’re doing the best they can with the resources they have. 

There’s help for you

Regardless of how you go about nurturing your mental health, there’s help for you. We have a team of licensed mental health professionals who will take the time to get to know you and meet you in real time. We’ll make recommendations tailored to you and your needs and see you through your process and your progress. 

Make an Appointment Today

Ada Pang is the proud owner of People Bloom Counseling, a Redmond psychotherapy practice. She helps unhappy couples find safety and connection in their relationship. She also helps cancer thrivers and their caregivers integrate cancer into their life stories. She’s grateful to her therapist who witnessed her ugly tears around family issues in grad school and saw her gush over the man she ended up marrying, to the eventual meeting of this man for couples counseling. There’s comfort in being known and accepted through time.

Here’s Another Way to Say No

I remember years ago sitting in a Starbucks with a friend who told me, “I said no the wrong way. I say yes, and then no.” At the time, I simply accepted the statement, but now I’m thinking, What’s so wrong about that?

Recently a friend of mine got COVID while her partner was out of town. A mutual friend put out a request that it would help her greatly if our small community could take turns bringing over food and some groceries. One person had already delivered chicken soup but additional volunteers were needed. We were out on an RV trip and still a week from being home, but I asked for her address thinking I’d have a box of goodies delivered to cheer her up. 

We were boondocking and didn’t always have the best cell service. I’d try logging on at night, looking up groceries and treats to delight her, but for one reason or another, the search took forever, the box wasn’t going to arrive until a week later... I frankly wasn’t in the right headspace to figure out what to put in the cart. 

Finally I texted the group, saying that I overcommitted and wouldn’t be able to help this time. Someone else dropped off food and soon after that, her partner came home. 

Looking back, I could’ve paused before committing to something. My heart went out to her and what would’ve been an easy ask felt much harder to deliver. The thing is, while it was difficult to say yes and then no, it would’ve been even more difficult to keep saying yes when the answer is now a no. 

It is okay to change your mind, to realize you overdid your schedule and to go back on a request. While there are some decisions that are better made without waffling back and forth, others can be changed. I’m not encouraging you to develop a habit of saying yes and then no. Rather, I’m inviting you to listen to your physical and emotional bandwidth and how they differ from day-to-day.

There’s more than one way to say no and that’s okay. 

If you need help setting boundaries in your life, our team of counselors are here to help! We’d help you pull through the commitments you swear by and support you in letting go of the things that are now a no. 

Make an appointment

Ada Pang is the proud owner of People Bloom Counseling, a Redmond psychotherapy practice. She helps unhappy couples find safety and connection in their relationship. She also helps cancer thrivers and their caregivers integrate cancer into their life stories. Today, she said yes to a morning run before it got too hot outside. Tonight, she’d say no to cooking and heat up some frozen dumplings. May your day be filled with yeses and nos.