The Truth Hurts, and that’s Not Just the Song - Part II

Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash

In my last post, I declared my fandom for Lizzo, briefly introduced Health at Every Size (HAES) and disputed the BMI myth. 

Today, I want to tell you more about HAES and how it’s disrupting the way we see ourselves, for the better.

Why Diets Don’t Work

Can you think of anyone that has lost a significant amount of weight by intentional dieting, especially within a short period of time and not gained any of it back? It’s unlikely, because diets have a 95% fail rate.* Our bodies all have something called a “set weight point,” which is basically a happy place that our bodies naturally like to hang out in. It fluctuates either direction about ten pounds, dependent on a slew of factors including hormones, water, and bowel (yes that means poop). When we try to defy it with restrictive diets, our metabolism slows and our body does whatever it can to get us back to home base. That’s because our body is trying to keep us alive! Yo-yo dieting messes with our metabolism, hunger/fullness hormones, and in addition to weight gain, has worse long-term health outcomes than not dieting at all. 

When it’s never enough 

If you, like myself, have been a historic yoyo dieter… you’ve probably noticed that even in the times you do manage to “lose the weight,” you’re not completely satisfied. There’s always more to go - five more pounds, one more size down, one less pinch of extra skin on your hips. It’s never enough, even when it was supposed to be. Most of us really never have that “Hells yes, I’m done!” moment where everything in life seems in place once we lose the weight or fit into the pants. Even those in the thinnest bodies have insecurities, and would change things about themselves if they could. Then what does that tell us? It’s not about the weight. We’re looking for something else. It could be a sense of control… maybe acceptance. Perhaps some sort of “good enough-ness.” It’s okay to ask for help to begin to peel back these layers when we’re ready. 

When food is food

What if we could create a culture where food is just food? We eat what makes our bodies feel good, in honor of what our bodies do for us, and not our clothing size. When we aren’t denying ourselves by numbers and caloric deficits, it’s amazing how food begins to lose its power; a power that humans ascribe to it. Down with the food rules. Instead, we should be listening to our bodies tell us what to put in it that makes us feel our best...and how we choose to move it, move it. 

The importance of physical activity

Speaking of movin’ it, one of the best predictors of long-term health is regular activity. Rather than using exercise to compensate for consumed calories, reduce guilt, or as punishment, we should be finding ways to honor and appreciate our bodies through movement that we actually enjoy. Our bodies do a lot for us, and they deserve a little (or a lot of) appreciation. Not everyone has the privilege of mobility...but those of us who are able-bodied are able to jump, dance, walk, and play. And that should count for something. Ya don’t have to love your body all the time, or even like it. We just hope that you can despise it less and appreciate it more. And even though your body does cool stuff for you, it’s just the shell we call home for our short time in this life. There’s a whole self inside of you who holds your true worth, and your sense of self is not contingent on the shell you reside in.

How Health at Every Size is changing the game

The HAES movement is pushing for change. Instead of an obsession with losing weight, we want to lose the weight stigma, and educate the public on empirically supported indicators of health and well-being.

The Official Health At Every Size® Principles*: 

1. Weight Inclusivity: Accept and respect the inherent diversity of body shapes and sizes and reject the idealizing or pathologizing of specific weights. 

2. Health Enhancement: Support health policies that improve and equalize access to information and services, and personal practices that improve human well-being, including attention to individual physical, economic, social, spiritual, emotional, and other needs. 

3. Respectful Care: Acknowledge our biases, and work to end weight discrimination, weight stigma, and weight bias. Provide information and services from an understanding that socio-economic status, race, gender, sexual orientation, age, and other identities impact weight stigma, and support environments that address these inequities. 

4. Eating for Well-being: Promote flexible, individualized eating based on hunger, satiety, nutritional needs, and pleasure, rather than any externally regulated eating plan focused on weight control. 

5. Life-Enhancing Movement: Support physical activities that allow people of all sizes, abilities, and interests to engage in enjoyable movement, to the degree that they choose. 

But wait, there’s more! 

The information above is just scratching the surface. There are A TON of fantastic resources available for HAES informed material and oh-so-much greatness to learn. I know it’s peak season for diet culture. So instead of Googling “best weight-loss plans for 2020”, I hope you do yourself the favor of leaning into the resources below:

https://www.sizediversityandhealth.org/index.asp

https://haescommunity.com/find/

Instagram: #haes 
(This hashtag will connect you to various body positive/HAES informed accounts of professionals, advocates, and just regular bad-ass people)

*Data Borrowed from -
Body Respect: What Conventional Health Books Get Wrong, Leave Out, and Just Plain Fail to Understand about Weight by Lindo Bacon and Lucy Aphramor.

And https://www.sizediversityandhealth.org/content.asp?id=152

Lastly, if these resources aren’t enough and you need a professional to be with you on this journey of self-care, come see me. Let’s get you started on self-love.  

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Abby Erickson is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor at People Bloom Counseling, a Redmond psychotherapy practice. She helps people with anxiety and social anxiety learn ways to better manage their angst. She also helps people struggling with low self-esteem and body image issues be comfortable in their own skin. She longs to help create a world where women and men learn to love their bodies.

The Truth Hurts, and that’s Not Just the Song - Part 1

Photo by Iyunmai on Unsplash

The latest celebrity gossip 

In case you haven’t been keeping up with the latest celebrity gossip, I have some tea for you! Fitness trainer Jillian Michaels was heavily criticized for a post on social media. This had nothing to do with her workouts, but it had everything to do with her body shaming musical artist Lizzo about her size and insinuating that she’s at risk for diabetes.

There was a lot of backlash on social media for this inaccurate statement. Let’s get one thing straight: Lizzo plays two-hour shows while singing, dancing, twerking, AND playing the flute...in heels. That woman has got some serious stamina!

Health at every size 

Michael’s comment is a reminder that a lot of the world still needs to catch up with the progressive Health at Every Size (HAES) movement, pioneered by the brilliant and courageous Linda Bacon. If you’re not familiar with HAES, please keep reading because the following information could be life-changing. It sure has been for me. 

Negative word association 

Our culture has stigmatized folks in larger bodies for decades. Think of the word “fat”... what comes up for you? Did you get a little spike of anxiety? Maybe a mental image of a larger-bodied person eating a super-sized meal? What words do you associate with “fat”? If you can only think of negative words and images, you’re not alone. 

Our culture has long taught us that fatness is associated with laziness, gluttony, grossness, and overall badness. It is easy to gloss through these words and carry on as if they don’t have an impact. Except they do. Take a moment with these words: Laziness. Gluttony. Grossness. Badness. There’s nothing good about these descriptions. 

Fat people are often treated worse than people who are so called, “skinny.” Society tells us that fatness always equals unhealthiness. This belief is perpetuated by misinformed medical/wellness professionals who use illegitimate measures of health based on weight. 

The BMI myth

The labels most commonly tacked onto fat folks are “obese” and “overweight,” which both originated from the Body Mass Index (BMI), an algebreic calculation used as an indicator for health risk based on height and weight ONLY.* It does not account for a lot of other variables to make our bodies different: water, hormones, bone density, muscle mass, activity level or other factors. By this measure, Lebron James would be flagged as overweight. If medical professionals are only using the BMI chart as a reference, they’d let him know that his knees might stop hurting if he dropped some lbs. Even though the medical field knows better than to actually apply this measure to athletes, it is still often applied to the general public.

Taking back the label

HAES proposes that if the BMI measure is BS, so are the labels. The words “obese” and “overweight” have implications of poor health, which isn’t an accurate experience of every larger-bodied person. We’ve all seen this: some larger-bodied people can run a half marathon while other “model-looking” individuals have trouble climbing a small hill. Someone’s size does not tell us the whole picture about a person’s health and capabilities! 

Because of this, people in large bodies are reclaiming the word “fat” as an identifier and working to end the stigma. Just as someone can be neutrally tall or short, they can be neutrally fat or thin…and all of it is okay. 

Learning to be okay with your body

If you’re struggling with living life as a person who identifies as fat, I see you. Maybe you’re struggling with living life as a perfectly imperfect-bodied person, I also see you. When I think back at a comic of a young average-sized woman in front of a mirror, asking, “Which bit would you alter first?” I really liked the response of the woman across from her, perhaps it’s mom or someone from the medical profession: “The culture.” 

Come on in if you’d like help learning to be okay with your body. Let’s help you love your body for all that it has to offer you!

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Abby Erickson is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor at People Bloom Counseling, a Redmond psychotherapy practice. She helps people with anxiety and social anxiety learn ways to better manage their angst. She also helps people struggling with low self-esteem and body image issues be comfortable in their own skin. She longs to help create a world where women and men learn to love their bodies.

We All Judge Others Sometimes...and Here's Why we Should Cut it Out

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. 
-Plato

Jumping to judgement 

Go with me on this, because I know we’ve all been here. You’re sitting at a restaurant table, patiently awaiting the arrival of your meal. Ya know...that in-between time when you’re sipping your “fun” drink and also trying to sift the lemon seed out of your water. You’re chatting with that friend, partner, coworker, or maybe your mother across from you. There is a lull in conversation, and you both look aside to see another woman settling into her seat across the restaurant. 

Your table guest looks back at you and says, “Woah, that gal clearly did not check her backside in the mirror before she left...she should not be wearing those pants;” she giggles passively with widened eyes and a sideways glance. Something about it doesn’t feel quite right as you receive her words. Half smiling, you respond, “Yeah, I know, right?” A tinge of relief sweeps over as you notice your server making his way to your table with entrees in hand. 

Not having it 

F*ck. That. Shit. Why is it that we consider these judgmental side comments about others’ appearance or demeanor “normal?” Do women need to gauge their wardrobe choices based on other women’s approval? This all too common behavior might be why some women have trouble trusting other women. It also might be the reason some women are labeled as fake, catty or passive aggressive. I’ve caught myself being judgmental, and it bothers me when I replay it in my head.  

Let me tell you why. 

I work with many young women and teenagers and this is the very thing they struggle with. Most all of them come in with at least some concerns related to self-esteem, body-image, or are otherwise critical about their appearance. Given the relentless social pressure from unrealistic media influences, the struggle is real. So much so that an overlying theme, and hallmark of issues like social anxiety, is a fear of negative judgment by others.

The behaviors we were modeled

As I work with my clients to understand their experiences, I notice they all have another thing in common -- judgmental behavior towards others has been modeled by someone they respect(ed)... a friend, partner, coworker or mother sitting across the table. These experiences shape a certain reality for them. My clients learn to believe that their imperfections stand out, to EVERYONE. Someone will undoubtedly notice their acne; their last-season scuffed boots will raise an eyebrow; the bit of skin hanging over their waistband will. be. criticized. 

If we’ve been socialized to notice others, why wouldn’t we assume others notice everything about us?

How we came to struggle 

As if we don’t have enough to worry about, it sometimes feels like we are walking around in a magnifying glass bubble, our every flaw exposed. This amplifies our self consciousness and sense of insecurity. And these insecurities can drive a chain of replicated behavior -  what we despise about ourselves we tend to project onto others. We judge, we snicker, we stereotype, we speculate. We end up making assumptions about people and situations that we really know nothing about. 

Some of this is to be expected - we so desperately want to put labels on our ambiguous world to make sense of it. However, when we look at others, we fail to consider that what we see on the outside may be covering a larger story... a story filled with pain-soaked words, loneliness, and trauma.

The whole story

Maybe the person who needs the seatbelt extension on the plane has an autoimmune disease, or maybe she suffered unimaginable abuse as a child… and she drowns out that suffering the only way she knows how. Maybe that girl’s scuffed boots were the only Christmas gift she received last year, which her single mother purchased from a second-hand store after weeks of saving up. Maybe the teenage girl you saw walking down the street in baggy sweatpants is on her way to the community clinic to get an abortion following a horrific sexual assault. Maybe someone with grown-out roots can’t afford another trip to the salon right now, because her son has a disability and she needs to prioritize therapy costs. 

But maybe not. Perhaps none of these stories are reality for these people… but that’s not the point. The point is that we Just. Don’t. Know. When we people-watch, we draw conclusions based on our own experiences, not the experience of the other. 

How we can be better 

What if we consciously lifted each other up? Next time Debbie from accounting walks by in one of her sequined tops fit to win an ugly sweater contest, let. it. go. She’s got her style; you’ve got yours. Similarly, Maddy can choose what she wants to eat for lunch without a running commentary. Let it be a thing of the past when people avoid walking by a gaggle of girlfriends for fear of hearing their whispers, followed by giggles.  

If you HAVE to make a comment about someone, then let it be kind. Make note of someone’s pretty nail color, cute top, or confident energy. What’s more, ask them how they’re doing, applaud them for speaking up, see them as one of you. Build. Them. Up. Women face enough pressure trying to navigate life “the right way.” We don’t need the added insecurity of feeling emotionally threatened within our own communities.

Go the extra mile: When you notice sh*t-talking, call it out, with kindness. And if you catch yourself doing it, own it and apologize. Develop accountability for how you are working to stop this behavior by giving permission to call each other out. This can help raise awareness and help you reflect on the impact of what you say and do. Recognize that how you speak about other women behind their backs matters: the pattern of negative behavior becomes more ingrained in you and it’s another jab against them when they’re already fighting a hard battle. Instead of judgement and criticism, let’s approach these observations with curiosity and compassion, and help others do the same.

Putting on kindness

In the moment, it might feel good to turn to a girlfriend with a knowing look and a gasp that says “Can you believe that sweater?!” but immediately after, something feels off inside. That off feeling can be a kind of shame creeping in -  your higher consciousness knowing you’ve done something mean spirited. Putting on kindness has a way of lifting your spirit. You can leave the restaurant knowing you were a better version of yourself.

So choose kindness. If you need help changing these conversations, I’m here. If you need help dealing with the effects of these comments, I can be that person for you too. 

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Abby Erickson is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor at People Bloom Counseling, a Redmond psychotherapy practice. She helps people with anxiety and social anxiety learn ways to better manage their angst. She also helps people struggling with low self-esteem and body image issues be comfortable in their own skin. She longs to help create a world where women and men learn to love their bodies.