Ada Pang

March 15, 2021

COVID-19, anxiety, front line workers, health crisis, health pandemic, mindfulness, support, trauma

Why People Seek Counseling in Two Simple Words

Ada Pang

March 15, 2021

COVID-19, anxiety, front line workers, health crisis, health pandemic, mindfulness, support, trauma

The struggle is real

It goes without saying that the need for mental health counseling has increased exponentially given the pandemic. Racial trauma, political stress and gun violence have also added to the hurt, grief, trauma, anger and fear. These stressors exacerbated the problems that were already there. As I reflect on the reasons why people are seeking counseling now more than ever before, it comes down to two words:

Being Human.

Our needs are real

If Abraham Maslow were still alive, he would’ve seen how the many stressors in recent history challenged multiple needs in his hierarchy, also known as the Maslow Hierarchy of Needs. As humans, we have basic needs for access to clean air, water, food, clothing, warmth and shelter. We want to feel safety and security in our employment, have access to resources, assets and good health. We desire closeness, connection and intimacy in relationships. We long to be seen, recognized, respected and treated with equity. We want to live to our full potential and leave behind a legacy.

The threats are real

Unemployment threatens access to basic needs and our sense of security. Eviction threatens shelter in a time when we need to quarantine. Too much time together with family threatens the need for personal space. Living by ourselves threatens our need for connection. Sickness, violence and death threaten health, relationships and legacy. Inequity and injustice bring up the historical and ongoing trauma that threaten the sense of belongingness, worthiness and need for access among marginalized groups.

Being human

If you’re struggling with one or more of these areas of your life, you’re being human. If you need help, that makes sense and we’re here for you. If finances or insurance is a concern, we have sliding scale spots through OpenPath Collective. If you need to slide lower than what we can offer through OpenPath, come in through this program and talk to your therapist. We’ll see what we can work out.

Schedule an appointment today

Ada Pang is the proud owner of People Bloom Counseling, a Redmond psychotherapy practice. She helps unhappy couples find safety and connection in their relationship. She also helps cancer thrivers and their caregivers integrate cancer into their life stories. She sometimes takes a break from everything that’s going on and turns to baking. She has made the same Earl Grey Yogurt Cake many times, varying the oil and sugar levels, using almond milk vs yogurt and substituting flax eggs for real eggs. By now, she enjoys seeing how her experiment turns out more than the eating of it.

Ada Pang

September 30, 2020

anxiety, COVID-19, coronavirus, depression, health crisis, health pandemic, mindfulness, support, trauma, front line workers

What to Do when your Self-Care Activities Don’t Work

Ada Pang

September 30, 2020

anxiety, COVID-19, coronavirus, depression, health crisis, health pandemic, mindfulness, support, trauma, front line workers

Most of us are not doing well

Back in July, I wrote about us entering the chronic stage of this global pandemic. Now a couple more months have passed and things are not much better. The smoke eclipsed the short summer we had left and last night’s first presidential debate was utter chaos. In light of all this, I should mention there are some people who are doing surprisingly well while social distancing, meeting online, and taking things in stride. But, that’s not most of us.

At best, many people are dipping in and out of feeling okay. At worst, they never adjusted and have been struggling since March. In the middle are people who rode the wave of crisis for a while and adapted, except the crisis never let up and they’re on the trajectory to burnout if not already there.

2020 has been one hell of a year and we still have one more quarter to go. The quarter where Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) makes a comeback with the shorter days; the quarter where the next president will be determined; the quarter where some families will grieve their first holiday without their loved ones.

Zoom turkey is just not the same.

You’re normal

If you’re struggling, you’re human. Some of the most ambitious, competent, adaptable and resilient people I know are struggling. It doesn’t mean you can’t hack it, because you likely have been through other trying times and made it to the other side. This time is different. It is the ripple effects of COVID, the continued disregard for Black and Brown lives, the devastating wildfires and the looming presidential election. There are countless stressful events in between that I initially listed but have decided to leave out because it gave me heart palpitations to write and re-read. If you wonder why you don’t have your shit together, it might be because you’re still processing the ramifications of the last event. Or the last few events.

Stop trying so hard

So, before you go off to list the self-care activities you either ought to be doing or have tried with limited results, let’s get something straight: Stop pressuring yourself to feel better. Meal prepping, going out for walks and journaling are great, but not with the undertone: This has got to work! This has helped in the past! Why can’t I get this to work?! It’s like pressuring yourself to fall asleep when you’re wide awake; good luck with that.

Now I’m not asking you to give up, but I am urging you to approach this series of crises differently. This is not a nail you approach with a hammer or a screw you approach with a Phillips head. Rather, put down your tool and stop trying to fix things. Play Animal Crossing if you think it’s going to help you, but not because it has to. Go for a run cuz it’s a nice day out, not because you felt the runner’s high last time and you’re looking for that same effect this time. Do the activity that’s good for you, period. How you feel afterwards and whether it’ll actually help is secondary. If it does; great! If it doesn’t; it is still beneficial.

A study done on lab rats showed that even when they were forced to exercise, their mental health improved from the exercise as much as if they had chosen to hop on their wheel. How does this apply to you? Well, even if you really don't feel like it and wonder if it's even doing any good, it's better to get up and move than not. And if you can't bring yourself to do it today, there's always tomorrow.

That brings me to my next point.

Change your expectations

If you have high expectations that yoga will leave you feeling all zen, and you feel just as anxious when you started if not more, then maybe you’ve tuned into all that your body was holding. These are not normal times and your usual or new coping strategies are not supposed to have the same effect. You also don’t have to do the right thing all the time. That’s exhausting. If you want some chocolate, have some chocolate. Don’t feel like jumping on that family Zoom call? Skip it. You don’t have it in you to show up for work today? Take a mental health day. You don’t have to be firing on all cylinders right now. Like, what cylinders?

Do things that actually give you spoons

Lastly, not all coping mechanisms are created equal. If you both like to mow the lawn and you like the outcome of a mowed lawn, then all the power to you. For many other coping skills, we may like the feeling of having done it after the fact but not in the moment. So, if marinating chicken for tomorrow’s dinner feels too effortful at the moment and it will actually take away your spoons, then Trader Joe’s pre-made Koma Fish Curry sounds pretty good and just needs a trip in the microwave. The dishes are too much today? Let’s try again tomorrow. Instead, watch three episodes of Queer Eye over a frozen burrito. It might just replenish your spoons. Might.

We’re here for you

If you need help with your self-care activities, our trained therapists are here for you. We understand because there are times when we’re going through the same things and have needed to tap into our toolbox to stay sane. We want to help you develop yours.

Schedule an appointment

Ada Pang is the owner of People Bloom Counseling, a Redmond psychotherapy practice. She helps unhappy couples find safety and connection in their relationship. She also helps cancer thrivers and their caregivers integrate cancer into their life stories. She recently dyed her hair at home to switch things up. The last time she dyed her own hair was in high school. While it didn’t make everything better and it wasn’t supposed to, it was something she is reminded of everyday. It did help. A bit.

Guest User

June 12, 2020

coronavirus, anxiety, health crisis, health pandemic, mindfulness, support, trauma, front line workers

Build your Wellness Toolbox to Help you Stay Sane in 2020

Guest User

June 12, 2020

coronavirus, anxiety, health crisis, health pandemic, mindfulness, support, trauma, front line workers

Photo by Bookblock on Unsplash — Photo by Bookblock on Unsplash

What a year it has been!

2020 has been a hell of a year with the health pandemic, too many COVID-related deaths, business closures, massive unemployment and pending evictions. Black and brown lives continue to matter as protests broke out in all 50 states to seek justice for George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery and too many others. Rioting and/or looting followed in some states.

And we’re only in June.

Introducing WRAP

What do we need to do to stay sane so we can keep going? When there is so much hurt going on, we have less tolerance for more things to go wrong. Adapting from the model of Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP), we can all use a wellness toolbox right now. Initially, WRAP was developed to help people with mental health struggles to live full, meaningful lives. It has since been adapted to help people with all kinds of physical and emotional challenges.

And if we are honest with ourselves, current circumstances are most certainly challenging all of us physically, emotionally and socially right now.

You may be thinking that self-care and wellness rituals only make it easier to hide from or turn a blind eye to the troubles around us. The opposite is true: do these things to help you maintain from day-to-day, so you can go out (or stay in) and continue to contribute to your life, your family, your community in the best way you know how.

The elements of WRAP

Develop a wellness toolbox

List everything you can think of that helps you feel better. Here are a sample from my list:

Draw
Watch a movie
Go out for a walk
Connect with my friends and family
Travel

And the list goes on. List as many things as you can think of, big and small. Even ones you can’t do right now in quarantine can spark other creative ideas. Keep going until you run out of ideas.

Describe yourself when you’re well

Sometimes it’s hard to remember what you’re like when you’re feeling well. This is especially the case when you’re overwhelmed and a “hot mess”. Here is how I’d describe myself when I’m having a good enough day:

Loving
Focused
Funny
Patient
Thoughtful

It doesn’t have to be your best day, but when you’re feeling relatively well, how would you describe yourself? Write those down. You don’t have to stop at just five qualities. Keep going.

Make a daily maintenance list

From your wellness toolbox, pick tools to put on your daily maintenance list to help you stay as well as possible. Think about these as being your absolute necessities: things you need to do everyday to help you maintain. Here are mine:

Get at least 7.5 hours of sleep
Eat healthy homemade meals at least two out of three meals
Hug and kiss my husband
Have my morning cup of coffee
Vary my working position between sitting and standing

While these items are not the ones previously listed, they’re definitely in my wellness toolbox. I’m simply putting down different items to show you the variety. There are no right or wrong answers, only the tools that work for you. Your daily maintenance list needs to be your non-negotiables: If a day or two goes by without doing items on this list, you’ll feel it.

Make a weekly maintenance list

Deviating from the WRAP model for a moment, I’m going to add a weekly maintenance list. There are simply some things that don’t need to be done daily, but if you wait too long to get to them, the impact is greater than the activity itself. Here’s what’s on my weekly maintenance list, ideas still generated from my wellness toolbox:

Do a cardio workout 3x a week
Date night
Cook 2-3x a week
Do 1-2 loads of laundry
Get a sushi takeout

While it’s possible to go on to list my monthly maintenance list which would involve a lot of bill payments, you get the idea. Especially during a global crisis when the day feels long and the month feels short, planning for what you’d need in the short-term can help you function better.

Identify your triggers

In a recent post, I noted what’s really going on when we’re emotionally triggered. Here’s a short video of me summarizing the same ideas:

Within WRAP, you might not be identifying all the elements of your emotional triggers. However, it still helps to know when something might be upsetting you. Do you know what gets you stressed out and emotionally riled up? Here’s my list:

A sink full of dishes on the night I’m scheduled to cook (it’s true)
Videos and articles of injustice against black and brown people
Comments by POTUS deliberately trying to cause division and chaos within our country and in opposition to the rest of the world
Self-comparison with others, even though where they are or what they have are not even things I care for
Small quarrels with people I care about

Triggers are often unexpected, but they can also be the result of us spending too much time on social media, reading the news, or otherwise surpassing a threshold of an activity that is no longer healthy for us. Take some time to notice what your triggers are. Write them down.

Notice your early warning signs

When triggered and you find yourself feeling worse and worse, it helps to know all the early warning signs that you’re not doing well. It’s one thing to be triggered and to bounce back from it; it’s another to spiral downward and for a bad mood to linger much longer. Here are my early warning signs when I’m not doing so well:

I get more emotional
I default to my old ways
I frequent the snack table
I’m more short with my husband
I keep to myself more

Since the pandemic, my post about A Life Worth Living: What to do When Faced with Thoughts of Suicide became the 3rd most frequented page on our website. For some people, early warning signs include thoughts of suicide. If that’s you, please get help. Tell somebody. Reach out. There are other options. We all have early warning signs that things are getting out of hand. What are yours? Take some time with that.

Make a plan to recover

When you’re losing it, the tools you use will need to be different from the ones on your daily maintenance plan. Think about the things that will help you get through these tough times. This is often the opportunity to involve people around you, if you haven’t done so already. Since the pandemic, I’ve needed to tap into my own recovery plan. I learned a few things about myself along the way:

Ask my friends for a card or a care package
Be honest about my needs and wants
Allow myself the space to cry
Talk to my therapist
Get help from my mentors

Refer back to the earlier descriptions of you when you’re well. What’s going to help you get back to the place of feeling like yourself again? Even if you’ve slept it off but you’re feeling more or less better, I’d still encourage you to work down the list on your recovery plan. Just because you’re feeling better in a moment does not mean you can sustain it. All the dominos that led to you spiraling will not go away on their own. We need to proactively take extra good care of you. Consider this mental health first aid.

The rest of WRAP

The WRAP model goes on to encourage people to formulate a crisis plan if you can’t take care of yourself, which could include hospitalization to keep you or other people safe. There’s also a component about a post-crisis plan to help you return home safely and how to stay safe. These last elements are beyond the scope of this blog and require a conversation with a trained mental health professional.

Please, if you’re feeling suicidal, consider the following resources:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: (800) 273-TALK (8255) or text CONNECT to 741741 in the United States.
TrevorLifeline for the LGBTQ community: (866) 488-7386 or text START to 678678 in the United States.
Teen Link is a confidential and anonymous hotline in WA staffed by teen volunteers trained to talk to other teens who are going through a tough time: call or text (866) 833-6546.
Now Matters Now has many videos to help people deal with suicidal thoughts
International Association for Suicide Prevention has a list of resources for people living outside of the US

If you need help building your Wellness Toolbox

Life isn’t always kind, especially now. If you need help building your Wellness Toolbox, we’ve got trained counselors who can help you through this difficult time. Don’t wait until you’re at the end of your rope to get help.

Schedule an online appointment today

People Bloom Counseling Redmond Couples Cancer Ada Pang.png

Ada Pang is the owner of People Bloom Counseling, a Redmond psychotherapy practice. She helps unhappy couples find safety and connection in their relationship. She also helps cancer thrivers and their caregivers integrate cancer into their life stories. A newer item in her wellness toolbox has been drawing, more specifically, drawing her dish rack.

Guest User

May 22, 2020

coronavirus, COVID-19, anxiety, front line workers, health crisis, health pandemic, mindfulness, trauma, support

Tips for Coping with the Effects of a Global Trauma

Guest User

May 22, 2020

coronavirus, COVID-19, anxiety, front line workers, health crisis, health pandemic, mindfulness, trauma, support

While stuck at home, you’re feeling things you may have never felt before. This isn’t a typical global crisis. So much of this pandemic involves isolation, waiting, unknowns, and not much action, unless you’re on the frontlines. But the effects on the population as a whole are felt, nonetheless.

During a global crisis...

You may feel fatigued, confused, angry, restless, sad, helpless, distracted and/or super alert.
You may feel trapped, like life is on hold.
You may feel safe at home.
You may feel bad about feeling safe at home.

You may skip between these feelings constantly. You may not know how to behave or what you ought to do when you’ve been given so many mixed messages.

Even when you allow yourself to have a good laugh about all that’s going on, when you pull away from this YouTube video or that TV show, the reality is still there.

Your routine has been disrupted, at the very least. If you’re on the frontlines, you cannot unsee what you have seen.

It’s ok if...

You aren’t getting as much done
You aren’t eating super healthy
You’re not eating enough
You’re overeating
You don’t always show patience with your partner or children
You’re sleeping too much
You’re not sleeping enough

Please extend grace to yourself. This is especially important when your best doesn’t feel like your best.

“Normal” reactions to trauma

All of your reactions are normal. In this context, “normal” just means common; we universally and instinctually share these reactions and traits. Your reactions are human, understandable and to be expected.

“Normal” will look slightly different for each of us, but there are some recognizable universal ways that we all react to dangerous situations.

Common trauma responses, one of which is less well known

When faced with danger, whether real or perceived, humans instinctively respond in the following four ways. While they’re not neatly categorized, see if you can spot yourself in one or more of these reactions:

Fight – In fight mode, you may show aggression about the state of the world as a whole, but this also manifests as angry outbursts taken out on those around you for seemingly unrelated reasons.
Flight – In flight mode, you feel like running away from the danger, but this can also show up as forms of escape: becoming hyper-focused on work, or diving into projects and tasks that distract you from all the negative events in the world.
Freeze – When you don’t know whether to fight or flee, your brain can resort to another option: shut down and freeze. In temporarily tightening up your muscles and paralyzing yourself, you hope to be away from danger. Your brain is subconsciously playing the game of “If I can’t see them, they can’t see me.”
Fawn or faint – The fourth and least talked about reaction to danger is to fawn/faint. When you fawn/faint, you have no energy to fight, flight or even freeze. You feel so helpless about the situation you become co-dependent or people-please. Sometimes, this can show up as frontline workers taking on extra shifts or working beyond their limits.

Normal reactions may be common survival instincts, but they aren’t always helpful for your well being. While your reactions make sense, they can lead to anxiety, depression, sleep deprivation and worsened mental health.

It can be distressing when there is so much we have little control over and so much we don’t know. So what can we do to feel better when the world feels out of control?

Focus on what you do have control over and take it day-by-day

Pay attention to what your body needs. In times of stress, it’s incredibly easy to lose track of your needs to the point where you don’t notice you are hungry, thirsty, need to pee or are tired as heck. Cortisol stress levels are high, and your body needs extra care to stay in balance.

Check in with your body. Take a break, eat well, and rest when you’re tired. Do everything you need for self-care, and then some. Do everything you need for self-care, and then some.

2. Make a schedule and keep a routine. If your typical schedule has been disrupted, create a new routine around specific activities for you and your family. Pick up new activities and/or hold onto the ones you know well. Having a routine creates a sense of security, comfort and normalcy, even if the “new normal” is not what it used to be.

3. Unplug. No really, unplug. Wellness blogs have been advising us to take a break from tech since the internet was born. It’s advice we take or leave under normal circumstances, as is convenient for us. But now more than ever, it’s crucial to take a break from the (bad/confusing/alarming) news and noise. Set timers for yourself for how long you scroll or tune in. Turn instead to the tangible activities you can do at home or in nature. You might find that some of the weight of the world is temporarily lifted off your shoulders.

The news cycle and the tweets will be there when you’re in the headspace to return. Frankly, you won’t be missing much.

4. Practice gratitude. It’s so easy to fixate on the decaying state of the world, and to let that be the main focus of your thoughts and conversations. Make a special effort to pay attention to what IS working. Notice what’s going well, even in the small bubble of your life. There’s a big world out there, and everything about it could make us worry if we let it. Are your people healthy for now? Check. Did the sun come out? Sweet, that’s a win. Did your kids do their online homework last night? Miraculous! Did your banana bread come out perfect this time? You’re a master chef and a genius. Little things can become huge when we invite them in.

5. Help where you can. Are you in a special position to donate your time or resources? While frontline workers and tired parents understandably are excused from these activities, some people are in a unique position to give back. Many of those folks are itching to help any way they can. You can donate to local arts or buy restaurant gift cards for local hospital workers. If you are crafty, sew face masks to distribute to friends and neighbors. It’s a sense of doing something, anything to make a positive impact.

If you haven’t been doing some of these things until now, that’s okay - what you do today matters. If you start taking small steps, you’re doing a better job of taking charge today than the day before.

And, if you help with these things, we’re here for you.

Schedule an online appointment

Karen Lenz People Bloom Counseling Redmond Executive Assistant.png

Karen Lenz is the Office Whiz and Insurance Guru at People Bloom Counseling. She writes blog posts as a human navigating this world, a client sitting across from a therapist, much like you. She’s a homebody, so being stuck at home means more time for cooking, playing with the dog, and finally getting to work on house projects that she’s been putting off.

Guest User

May 8, 2020

COVID-19, coronavirus, anxiety, front line workers, health crisis, mindfulness, trauma, support

Why your Old Coping Skills Don’t Work During a Health Crisis and What to Do About it

Guest User

May 8, 2020

COVID-19, coronavirus, anxiety, front line workers, health crisis, mindfulness, trauma, support

In Washington State, it has been 7.5 weeks since the first reported COVID death and six weeks since the shelter-in-place order. This all feels like a long time ago and also only a few weeks ago. We’ve all done our best at coping, at taking things day-by-day. Whether you’re a frontline worker, employed and working from home, or someone out of work, if you find that your old coping skills are not working like they used to, you’re not alone.

There are a number of reasons why the usual coping methods haven’t worked:

Your access to coping strategies is limited. If you used to grab coffee with a friend, workout at the gym, or grocery shop for fun, those coping skills are no longer available to you. Meeting virtually is not the same, it’s hard to put structure around your online workouts and you’re needing to readjust your mask while dodging shoppers who are not respecting your six feet bubble. Whatever adaptation you’ve made to cope with the added stress has its limits.
You’re dipping in and out of survival mode. If you feel like you’ve gotten into a routine last week, there’s no guarantee that this next week will stay the same. If you had a work crunch where your self-care went out the window for just a few days, the impact of getting takeouts, staying sedentary and feeling socially disconnected can easily be amplified during a pandemic. It can be hard to maintain your gains.
You have less bandwidth for curiosity and exploration. Pre-COVID, when there isn't a global state of threat, transition and overwhelm, you have more bandwidth to approach your children’s questions, your partner’s bad day, or the problem at work with curiosity. “What’s going on?” “Help me understand…” “How do I solve this?” On the other hand, when we’re under constant threat and stimulation, even a neutral event can make the best of us more irritated or withdrawn.

Emily Nagoski, a famous sex educator, describes two opposing responses when rats were placed in a normal stress, highly relaxed or highly stressful environments. Rats tend to either approach or avoid. In her TedTalk titled, “The keys to a happier, healthier sex life,” the lab rat experiment starts at minute 5:12 -

If you’re feeling more like, “Wah! What the hell is going on?!” that makes a lot of sense.

So when your usual coping skills are not working like they used to, what do you do?

Develop new ways of coping. This seems like a no-brainer, but we all have a tendency to do more of the same while expecting different results. You will visit a coffee shop again, work out at the gym and leisurely gather items on your list at the grocery store — just not now. What are some things you can do now? Can you imagine building a vegetable garden for the first time, taking walks and discovering new streets in your neighborhood, or finally dusting off your sketchbook? Is an online yoga class more tolerable with a friend? When you gather your social circle and everyone actually put on real clothes and order pizza from Tutta Bella, would that make Zoom movie night feel more “together”?
Be okay with some ups and downs and take baby steps. If you didn’t take care of yourself as well as you could have before, it is okay to start today. Expect that you’ll be thrown off schedule at times, and then get back on. Do you need to safeguard your Sundays to prepare for the week? How much takeout is too much? Would doing 20-minutes of a workout be better than doing none? Just as the cumulative effects of stress are felt over time, so are the cumulative effects of self-care.
Reach out for help when you want it, not just when in need. If you’re used to toughing it out, now is not the best time. You don’t have to wait until you’ve hit rock bottom to ask for help. Your difficulties make sense and your friends can come alongside you to share your burdens. Dare to ask for a check-in, a card, a care package, a surprise. Be patient because it’s more effort making it to the post office, because Amazon deliveries take longer. And for once, stop thinking about giving back. Just receive and know that this is someone else thinking and caring for you.

If you need help, don’t hesitate to reach out. We’re here for you.

Warmly,
Ada

Guest User

May 1, 2020

coronavirus, COVID-19, health crisis, health pandemic, support, trauma, front line workers

If there’s a way to Tell Frontline Workers They’re Doing a Phenomenal Job

Guest User

May 1, 2020

coronavirus, COVID-19, health crisis, health pandemic, support, trauma, front line workers

You’re doing more than a good job. You’re phenomenal.

You're the engine that makes all things go
And you're always in disguise, my hero
I see your light in the dark
Smile in my face when we all know it's hard
There's no way to ever pay you back
Bless your heart, know I love you for that
Honest and selfless
I don't know if this helps it, but

Good job, you're doin' a good job, a good job
You're doin' a good job
Don't get too down
The world needs you now
Know that you matter, matter, matter, yeah
You're doin' a good job, a good job
You're doin' a good job
Don't get too down
The world needs you now
Know that you matter, matter, matter, yeah

Six in the morning
And soon as you walk through that door
Everyone needs you again
The world's out of order
It's not as sound when you're not around
All day on your feet, hard to
Keep that energy, I know
When it feel like the end of the road
You don't let go
You just press forward

You're the engine that makes all things go
And you're always in disguise, my hero
I see your light in the dark
Smile in my face when we all know it's hard
There's no way to ever pay you back
Bless your heart, know I love you for that
Honest and selfless
I don't know if this helps it, but

Good job, you're doin' a good job, a good job
You're doin' a good job
Don't get too down
The world needs you now
Know that you matter, matter, matter, yeah
You're doin' a good job, a good job
You're doin' a good job
Don't get too down
The world needs you now
Know that you matter, matter, matter, yeah

The mothers, the fathers, the teachers that reach us
Strangers to friends that show up in the end
From the bottom to the top, the listeners that hear us
This is for you, you make me fearless

You're doin' a good job, a good job (Oh)
You're doin' a good job
Don't get too down
The world needs you now
Know that you matter, matter, matter, yeah

-Alicia Keys, ‘Good Job’

You matter, a whole lot. Thank you.

Guest User

April 24, 2020

COVID-19, anxiety, front line workers, health crisis, health pandemic, mindfulness, support, parenthood, trauma

The Three Important Elements of Self-Care for All Times, but Especially Now

Guest User

April 24, 2020

COVID-19, anxiety, front line workers, health crisis, health pandemic, mindfulness, support, parenthood, trauma

It has been over a month since our Gov. Jay Inslee issued a “stay-at-home” order” order in WA. Usually, a month goes by and we don’t even notice. But, the quote circulating around social media is funny because it’s true: it really does feel like there are five years in April. Ok maybe not five years, but it does feel like we’re on the 12th week of April at my house!

Just when you think you have transitioned, think again

Now that we’ve had six weeks of practice (or, 5 years depending on how you experience time), we should have it down by now, right?! After all, we just need to carve out a space to work from home, make a schedule of things to do with the kids, meal prep for the whole week, cook endlessly, remember to fit in workouts because that’s what healthy people do, and then repeat. No big deal.

Just writing all that makes me want to crawl back into bed.

Whether you’re an essential worker who’s exhausted from your shifts, someone working from home or recently unemployed, or a parent who never signed up to homeschool your kids, it has been one adjustment after another. With the constant transition of new protocols at work, no school during spring break to now five assignments a day, it can be easy to forget what self-care looks like for you. Before the pandemic, you used to know how to do this, but now it takes so much more.

Self-care according to popular culture

Most people think about self-care as eating well, sleeping well, regular exercise, meditation, etc. It is all that and then some. Taking care of your basic needs is only one aspect of taking care of yourself. While doing the basics can be stabilizing during a health crisis; you might find yourself needing more with the passing of time. While you might not feel like you have the bandwidth to do more, engaging in these activities can actually strengthen your bandwidth.

Do productive work

Statewide, nearly half a million people are unemployed from the coronavirus. Meanwhile, people on the frontlines might feel like they’ve worked multiple shifts in one. In either case, we’d need to redefine work. If you went from having a regular work schedule to now being out of work and stuck at home, productive work is no longer limited to paid work. Instead, it can mean navigating the unemployment website, looking for a job, scheduling out your week with activities that are a little bit challenging, but not overly so, and actually doing them. If you’re a frontline worker and you often leave work feeling like there’s more work to be done, it’s a different strategy for you as well.

If you’re unemployed

Self-mastery is a fancy term that speaks to gaining a sense of mastery over your life by doing things that help you feel more confident and in control. This is especially crucial during a time when you did not choose your circumstances, and things are very shitty right now. Self-mastery involves doing tasks that require some effort, but you’ll feel good about yourself when you’ve done them. Here are some additional examples of productive work during our shelter-in-place:

Take care of your personal hygiene even if you have nowhere to go
Pick up and sort through mail
Do laundry
Clean up around the house
Take care of people in your home

When you don’t have income coming in, it can be tempting to stop all forms of work. But, when you engage in activities that you know need to get done, it can help you feel a sense of accomplishment, that today counted for something. It’s not meant to be life changing; but it can help move the needle forward in the slightest ways.

If you’re a frontline worker

If you’re not asked to do more during each shift, you might be “strongly urged” to pick up additional shifts. With needs that don’t seem to be letting up, it’s hard to feel like you’ve done enough after a day’s work. And no matter what you did, there were things outside of your control. Perhaps a patient died during your shift, you came back to a warehouse full of next day deliveries, you could’ve been even more thorough with disinfecting that near empty office… Did you make a dent today?

You did.

You did the best that you could for the day. Unless you’re a robot, your best fluctuates each day. With the current state of affairs, it’s hard to be firing on all cylinders, day after day. So productive work is more about having done your best and then coming back the next day and being okay with your best then too.

It can also help for productive work for frontline workers to include non-paid work. Having a small project where you get to see the beginning, middle and end could help you feel like you were able to tie a bow on something. Here are some examples:

Putter around in the yard and plant something
Change out that burned out bulb
Cook your favorite comfort food recipe
Clean out your garage (Yes, this can be a big ask. Even just a corner of it is enough)
Tackle a jigsaw puzzle that is a bit difficult for you

Engaging in these or other activities can remind you there are ways to feel accomplished outside of work. And, work is not all that there is.

Take care of basic needs

So, what are our basic needs? It’s actually a pretty long list:

Rest the brain with sleep
Drink water
Stay hygienic
Eat food that fuels the body
Empty our bladder and bowel
Feel safe in our environment
Have a shelter over our head
Wear comfortable clothing

While none of the above are rocket science, we do put our bodies through a lot and expect it to bounce back. With the stress of life, we may sometimes forgo some basic needs without recognizing it. And yet, it is especially during these trying times that we need to pay close attention to our basic needs. Because, when was the time you did the following:

Stayed up too late or stayed in bed for too long?
Felt dehydrated?
Fished clothing out of the dirty laundry basket?
Ate what you knew would make your body feel bad, ate too much or skipped meals?
Held your pee or your poop when you needed to go?
Ignored your body’s signals when you felt either too cold or too warm?
Stayed in the same posture for way too long?

When we’re not in a pandemic, we may go through moments where we ate out a lot, got little sleep, survived on energy drinks and (hopefully) recovered. When things are going awry, taking care of our basic needs is a buffer against the constant stress and illness. It doesn’t mean you have to do everything perfectly, but being mindful of the elements that are missing and being intentional about ways to bring them back would be helpful.

Make time to play

It’s not enough to do productive work and take care of your basic needs; you also need to find time to play. If you equate cleaning with play and find it exciting to meal prep many times over, these activities help, to a certain extent. You also need to laugh, to have fun, to allow room for creative endeavors.

When there’s a shortage of time and money, here are possible solutions:

Show up for a scheduled online board game
Work on an art project
Go for a bike ride with your kids
Take a walk and notice the blooming flowers and young leaves
Try a new recipe
Play your guitar, piano, cello, something
Try an online class that you’ve been meaning to take in person
Do kids yoga as a family, even when you don’t have kids
Watch this short video about how a music teacher is coping with teaching online:

The key here is not to achieve something; that’s under the section of productive work. Rather, it is to have a good belly laugh, to let yourself cut loose, and to share fun times. There are enough seriousness, restraint, and unknown in the world right now. People’s opinions about COVID will always be there. You’ll hear about plans for re-entry when it comes. Trips to the grocery store aren’t going to feel normal for a while. But when you play, you’re shaking off the cumulative stress.

It’s the restoration we can all use right now.

Hi, I’m Ada. Here’s how I’m (trying) to practice what I preach -

For productive work, I wrote this blog post today.
For basic needs, I made too much food last week and too little this week. Next week, I might have a better handle on things. I’ll do my best then.
For play, I’m taking an online class where I learn to illustrate recipes. It actually works better for my schedule.

I hope you find your work, (body) care and play too.

Warmly,
Ada

Ada Pang

April 17, 2020

COVID-19, coronavirus, anxiety, front line workers, health crisis, health pandemic, mindfulness, support, trauma

A Simple Word Exercise to Help Frontline Workers Decompress During their Breaks

Ada Pang

April 17, 2020

COVID-19, coronavirus, anxiety, front line workers, health crisis, health pandemic, mindfulness, support, trauma

Being Adaptive

I once went to a training where an ex-firefighter turned marriage counselor told the story of post-911 rescue efforts. He was in a damaged building next to “the Pile” with his buddies, looking for survivors. They moved cautiously and strategically for fear that what remains of the building would collapse. They had to muster up the courage to keep going and push aside any feelings of vulnerability. It was only when they were back at the station could they commiserate about being incredibly scared that they might not make it back to their families.

He went on to explain that the most adaptive people he knows are those who have learned when to turn their emotions on and when to turn them off. It’s not functional to wall off your family at home because you’re still in work mode, and nor is it helpful to melt into a puddle at work.

This is not to say you can’t have a bad day at work, especially during a time like this. I’m not going there with you right now, not in this post. I am explaining how I’ve structured these exercises as a way to help you turn on and off your emotions, depending on where you are in your shift.

Statements to help prepare you for work, during work and after work

Below are statements that I’ve come up with to help ground you throughout the day. While I’m not in your line of work, I try to put myself in your shoes and walk around in them as I reflect on what statements could be helpful. If you can come up with better statements, or can ask your partner, your kids to give you a phrase to remember at work, please do. “Mom, I’m so proud of the work that you are doing!” is a good one. Remember that some statements may be more helpful at certain times than others. Statements like, “Daddy, I miss you! Come home to us!” may trigger more vulnerable feelings at the beginning of your shift than when you’re on your way home.

As you read the statements out loud to yourself with an emphasis on each of the bolded words, please let that statement sink in, time and again. The statement may feel differently to you, depending on where the emphasis is. They’re meant to help anchor you into the reality of the statement, to steady you, so please don’t be so quick to brush them aside. While they’ll not magically make you feel better in the moment, with practice, they can help you feel more present and centered. Reading them out loud and taking your time with them is the best way to practice this exercise but it’s also possible to do the emphasis quietly within. Read it together with a colleague, six feet apart, except for when you’re in the loo, of course. Or, read it by yourself.

Before your shift

The last day you worked is behind you. Whether that was just hours ago or a few days ago, it’s most helpful to focus on what’s ahead. While our mind might want to trick you into thinking that you’re still reliving a past experience, your body resets every time you wake up. Today is indeed a new day.

The past is behind me. Today is a new day.

The past is behind me. Today is a new day.

The past is behind me. Today is a new day.

The past is behind me. Today is a new day.

The past is behind me. Today is a new day.

The past is behind me. Today is a new day.

The past is behind me. Today is a new day.

The past is behind me. Today is a new day.

The past is behind me. Today is a new day.

During your bathroom break

You’re taking a breather but you don’t have a lot of time. Instead of scrolling through your phone while you’re on the can, read this statement instead:

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself.

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself.

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself.

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself.

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself.

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself.

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself.

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself.

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself.

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself.

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself.

During your lunch break

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do.

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do.

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do.

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do.

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do.

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do.

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do.

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do.

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do.

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do.

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do.

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do.

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do.

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do.

On your way home

You have carried the weight of the day on your shoulders; it’s now time to let go of that load. Up until now, you’ve needed to wall off your vulnerable emotions to stay sane and do your job well. It’s time to turn them back on. If that means you need to cry in the car, shake your body out (in no particular fashion), call up a good friend, pray to your higher power... do what you need to do. Then consider this last statement to prepare you to go home: